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Dating in early transition?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by TheRealTheaJane, Sep 30, 2015.

  1. TheRealTheaJane

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    Heyy all, hope you're happy and well =^.^=

    So I'm a girl, assigned male at birth due to certain :***: features... you get the picture.
    I am a lesbian, but as of yet have no HRT or SRS (NHS in UK takes foreverrrrrrr) so definitely still look like a small, blonde man, at best androgynous.

    My past girlfriends have been exclusively bisexual or pan, even before I identified as female, but here's the thought: At what stage would any cis lesbians out there consider dating a transgender? does it depend on being passable, or having more feminine parts?

    The same question would apply to gay men for dating gay AFAB men too :slight_smile:

    I'm not so keen on spending the rest of my life single, if that wasn't clear :redface:
     
  2. alwaysforever

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    I think that it really depends on the individuals in question. I think some of it depends on how educated they are relating to gender issues and their own preferences. I think the more open minded and secure in their sexuality the better chance you have.
     
  3. CapQuestionmark

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    I agree; preference always come down to each individual person. I am usually the one to explain this concept to frustrated Cis people: "You might like, say, blonde girls, yeah? So, you would date them? Or that girl. Or one of them over there. Right?" They usually respond with an annoyed "No, it's not like that!" and that's true-- things don't work that way! It's the exact same case for anyone and everyone; individual preferences and views.

    So, always try and keep this in mind when you're looking for someone to date and/or love.
    I personally know how it feels to not find someone who would love me for who I want to be and what I want to look like, or at least not get hung up about me transitioning, or changing whenever. But just hold on to hope, and you might just get lucky-- sooner, rather than later.

    I wish you the best of luck! ^.^
     
  4. Willa

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    I am a cis woman married to a non-op transwoman. My wife has been doing HRT for almost three years now, but has no interest in reassignment or reconstructive surgery. For the most part, she's okay with the :***: parts she was born with.

    I have identified as pansexual for most of my life, but sexuality is fluid, and about a year ago I started identifying as a lesbian. To me, being a lesbian means being attracted to women. It does not mean being attracted to people with vaginas. I love my wife. She is beautiful and compassionate and I wouldn't change her for the world.

    To my mind, there are three kinds of lesbians: There are lesbians who don't like men, lesbians who don't like penises, and lesbians who don't want anything to do with either. I am a lesbian who doesn't like men. Penises, I have no problem with. Usually it's what's attached to them that bothers me. So yes, you can absolutely find a cis woman who will be totally into you.

    The thing I really want to warn you about, though, is that some cis women may try to fetishize you. Don't become involved with someone who wants to be with you BECAUSE you're trans. That's just objectification and no one needs that. What you want is someone who wants to be with you and doesn't really care that you're trans. This early into your self-discovery, your relationships are very important in shaping the way you see yourself, because your self-image is in a fragile flux all the time. So be careful about your choice of partner. You want someone affirming, loving, understanding, and patient, someone who is willing to be educated. It might be a good idea to just stay single at first and focus on yourself.

    Kudos to you for embracing your Truth. I am sure that someday you will find a wonderful girl who will tell you every day how beautiful you are. Good luck. :kiss:
     
  5. Creativemind

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    What you need to keep in mind is that lesbians are all different as a group. For some lesbians, simply identifying as a woman is enough. Other will require some form of hormone treatment, some require bottom surgery, and others won't date any trans people at all.

    It's better to focus on who will love you rather than who won't. Just date who's interested.

    Personally, for me, I would date a trans girl only after bottom surgery, but that's just me and doesn't reflect all of the lesbians I know.

    And even when it seems impossible, keep in mind that bisexual/pansexual girls along with trans women exist as well. It's common for trans women to prefer cis women because they feel validated, but it doesn't look good when we start fetishizing lesbians for their sexuality, or excluding other women for theirs.

    Hope this helps.
     
  6. Lipstick Leuger

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    It depends on the person. For me, if the person in question had female masculine energy, it would be enough for me. My ex was trans, and he was pre-opt who could not take hormones because of health issues. I am a Cis-woman and a Femme.
     
  7. CanadianGirl

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    Oh I'm wondering this too! Also I'm wondering what cis lesbians think of the issue of voice. I plan on going all the way with physical transformations (srs, hrt, top, tracheal shave), but voice is something that I'm scared I won't be able to get the hang of. :frowning2: If I looked like a "girl" in every other way, would having a more masculine voice (it's honestly not deep at all, but still recognizable as male) be a deal breaker? :frowning2:
     
    #7 CanadianGirl, Oct 3, 2015
    Last edited: Oct 3, 2015
  8. HardToSay

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    I would not worry about voice: it will come in time. It won't come over night but it will come. First thing you need to get on HRT, though, it does wonders.. :slight_smile:
     
  9. TheRealTheaJane

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    Heyy thanks for all the balanced replies!!

    @Willa thank you! Having someone love you for who you are and not as a "toy" is definitely ideal: much like your marriage! =^.^=

    Glad to know there's a wide range from physical to the "female masculine energy" (I like that phrase!)

    @CanadianGirl Welcome to e.c. too! (&&&) The voice is definitely an issue: Dating aside, it's horrible to sound like a baritone bass!