I'm gay but I keep getting the feeling I should be straight

It sounds like you're dealing with feelings of shame, guilt and wanting to meet society's expectations because being straight (probably) lessens your chances of being bullied/excluded/marked as different.

I tried to be straight for years. I felt that because I'm fairly masculine and don't really "act gay" that I couldn't be gay. Nothing could be further from the truth. If you're not attracted to girls, then you're NOT ATTRACTED TO GIRLS. All of the wishing, repression, and guilt aren't going to make that feeling go away.

If can take a long time to feel comfortable in your own skin because being LGBT means you are different. No one wants to be different. It's something you gradually get used to over a period of time.

What you can do is begin to engage with LGBT media and other gay people. Does your school have a gay-straight alliance? You can attend simply as an ally to learn more. How about any LGBT youth events in your area?

As someone who repressed my sexuality for years I have a decent idea of what you're going through. If you have questions or want to talk more, feel free to write me on my wall.