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I'm homosexual but what's my romantic orientation?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Generic Potato, Oct 3, 2015.

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  1. Generic Potato

    Generic Potato
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    I'm 100% homosexual, not a doubt in my mind, but when it comes to my romantic orientation I'm not quite so sure. I used to think I had it all figured out -- that I was completely gay and that's the end of the story. Or at least that's what I told myself. Deep down that term never really felt quite right.

    Even though the people I usually find attractive are predominantly male, every now and then a female would come along and I would experience the same sort of romantic feelings for them as I would with guys. Sexual desires I have towards females are nonexistent. I have absolutely no sexual attraction or desire towards females. In fact, the very thought of having sex with a female repulses me. But when it comes to guys. those sexual desires are definitely existent.

    Because of my ability to fall in love with both sexes yet only experience a sexual attraction towards one of them led me to the conclusion that I am homosexual biromantic. But that term doesn't feel quite right either. This is due to the fact that I am rarely attracted to females and am frequently finding guys attractive.

    Would the term homoflexible romantic be more suitable? Is that even a thing? (homoflexible: when you are sexually attracted to the same sex but will occasionally experience a sexual attraction to the opposite sex)

    It is very important to me that I find a label for my orientation. Not having a label makes me feel as though my orientation is invalid and nonexistent. It is a very ostracising feeling and makes me feel like an outcast.

    If I were to fall for a girl I wouldn't act on those feelings. I mean, what good can come from dating someone I have no sexual attraction for? What if she wants to have sex? There's no way I could bring myself to do it. The mere thought of it repulses me. And what if I were to go out with a girl and then start experiencing a sexual attraction for a guy? I mean, I do hope to have sex and girls are way out of the question so it's best if I weren't to date them. Well I'm only 15 so it's not like I'm gonna be having sex for a while anyway. It definitely sucks though because my current crush is a girl and I know only bad things would come from dating her. It's not easy trying to get over someone.

    I've decided to come out to my friends as just gay and keep the fact that I can like girls to myself. This way is just simpler as it avoids me from having a lengthy conversation about what I am with everyone I come out to. It also means that I won't have the legitimacy of my orientation questioned by bigots and misunderstanding people as much.

    Regardless of this I still want to find a label for my romantic orientation. Even if it's just to keep to myself. If anyone has any idea what I might be please help me. I would also greatly appreciate any advice for my situation.
     
    #1 Generic Potato, Oct 3, 2015
  2. rainbowtheorist

    rainbowtheorist
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    Hi there!

    First I know that labels can be important, especially when you're at a younger age (I felt really uneasy with my sexual orientation too at your age), but sometimes labels are a bit too rigid to paint an acurate portrait of how complex a situation can be. It's like trying to describe your whole complex self with one word, it wouldn't cover the whole thing, would it ? It does NOT mean what you feel is not real.

    Anyway, right now I think homoflexible can be good, otherwise you could say : homosexual, but romantically flexible. I thought you might be interested by that : http://itspronouncedmetrosexual.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/Genderbread-Person-3.3.jpg

    As for your crush, I never found a way to get rid of them, I used to have a lot of very intense crushes back then, it goes away after a while. The best you can do is to try to get away from her (I know it feels impossible) but you should try. Go meet other people, do stuff, take your mind of her.

    Good luck friend, and have a nice day !
     
    #2 rainbowtheorist, Oct 3, 2015
  3. lastking

    lastking
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    I feel the same way sometimes, my romantic orientation confuses me. I know I'm sexually attracted to men: the male physique sexually arouses me and I would like to have sex with a guy. I find the female body aesthetically attractive however the idea of having sex with a woman doesn't appeal to me or arouse me. That being said, I do find women more romantic than men. I've been physically attracted to a few girls in my life time, it's rare, but it does happen, who I just want to kiss, caress, and hug. I don't know if I want to have sex with them however I try to just stay open minded that perhaps I'm demisexual. I believe it's possible to develop sexual attraction for a women AFTER I've connected with her on a more romantic and emotional level. I haven't experienced this yet so I may or may not, I just have to be patient and see. I guess I would label myself - biromantic homoflexible. However I try to refrain from labeling and just accept sexuality isn't always 100% black or white.
     
    #3 lastking, Oct 3, 2015
  4. Chip

    Chip
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    There's no credible evidence to support the idea there's a difference between romantic and sexual orientation.

    What is very, very common among gay men is a feeling of close kinship with women: they enjoy hanging out with them, relate to them in many ways, and feel a deep sense of connection and trust. There's a term for this: friendship.

    It doesn't indicate a difference between romantic and sexual attraction, it's just a normal state of things for an awful lot of gay men. From what you describe, I think it's pretty clear that you're gay, and, in fact, I'd go so far as to say you're a very typical gay in terms of having that strong non-sexual connection to women.
     
    #4 Chip, Oct 3, 2015
  5. fxngirl

    fxngirl Guest

    Finally someone I can relate to! I define myself as a lesbian when I tell other people because I'm emotionally, physically and sexually attracted to girls, and there's no doubt in this, but I recently developed feelings for a guy. Now I don't know exactly what I am and I don't know if "homoflexible" fits me because, although on rare times I might have an emotional connection with a guy and I might even enjoy kissing guys, I would never go further with them.
     
    #5 fxngirl, Oct 4, 2015
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