Often feel straight but I don't think I could perform with a women (is it all fake)

Hi Guys,

I often feel like I'm completely straight. I managed to go 23 years without ever questioning my sexuality so I guess it's quite easy for my brain to slip back into a 'straight' way of thinking. The trouble is - I can't help but wonder if any of my straight thoughts are actually real or are they just the product of my imagination.

I notice girls everywhere I go in the street, my eyes are automatically drawn to them. I admire and lust after them. I crush on girls in real life. There is currently one girl in particular who I can't stop thinking about. I want to be close to her, I crave the physical contact, kissing cuddling etc. I THINK that I crave her sexually. That's what I've always thought about girls in the past but in real life I have never been able to function properly with a female. I've never had a girlfriend and have never been fully comfortable with anyone of the opposite sex. I have never attempted sex with the opposite sex without being ridiculously drunk. I remember the first time I tried to have sex, I was on holiday, 17 years old and went home with a girl at the end of the night. It's safe to say I'd had the equivalent of 10+ beers so hardly great for performance but not for one second did it cross my mind that I would have any trouble whatsoever with performance but I did - there was no life downstairs at all.

Well that was weird.......each of my future attempts (7 or 8 of them) were under similar drunken circumstances and each time I failed to perform. Of course, being drunk, added to by an accumulation of fear and anxiety which increases with each failed attempt, doesn't help but surely there is something else going on here. I'm 24 years old and have always been able to function as normal when watching porn.

So, why do I think I'm gay? Well, I'm not straight. I only watch straight porn but focus mainly on the guys. Not helped by the fact that I and and do regularly watch and enjoy lesbian porn. I know porn isn't a good indicator etc etc it just massively adds to the confusion. Take porn out of the equation and there is nothing in my life to ever make me think I may be gay but you the porn issue is huge. I feel that perhaps I have spent my entire life hiding my homosexuality through my use of porn. Watching straight porn (and telling myself I'm straight) whilst thinking gay thoughts. Once the porn ends, I leave the fantasy world and enter real life - where I think entirely like a straight person until I next watch porn.

Not quite sure what the point of this post is lol. Just looking for thoughts. Any input. Anyone has similar thoughts? I feel like I'm a milion miles away from being able to accept that I'm gay because I feel like I'm straight or bisexual and I don't feel I'll ever be able to move on fully unless I can accept that definitely isn't the case.

 

Re: Often feel straight but I don't think I could perform with a women (is it all fak

Thanks QBear,
I've thought that I would potentially have trouble even with a man now. Never had the chance to test the theory but I fear that may be the case. The trouble is I've no idea how to get over the anxiety issues.