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Often feel straight but I don't think I could perform with a women (is it all fake)

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Confuseddude, Oct 4, 2015.

  1. Confuseddude

    Regular Member

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    Hi Guys,

    I often feel like I'm completely straight. I managed to go 23 years without ever questioning my sexuality so I guess it's quite easy for my brain to slip back into a 'straight' way of thinking. The trouble is - I can't help but wonder if any of my straight thoughts are actually real or are they just the product of my imagination.

    I notice girls everywhere I go in the street, my eyes are automatically drawn to them. I admire and lust after them. I crush on girls in real life. There is currently one girl in particular who I can't stop thinking about. I want to be close to her, I crave the physical contact, kissing cuddling etc. I THINK that I crave her sexually. That's what I've always thought about girls in the past but in real life I have never been able to function properly with a female. I've never had a girlfriend and have never been fully comfortable with anyone of the opposite sex. I have never attempted sex with the opposite sex without being ridiculously drunk. I remember the first time I tried to have sex, I was on holiday, 17 years old and went home with a girl at the end of the night. It's safe to say I'd had the equivalent of 10+ beers so hardly great for performance but not for one second did it cross my mind that I would have any trouble whatsoever with performance but I did - there was no life downstairs at all.

    Well that was weird.......each of my future attempts (7 or 8 of them) were under similar drunken circumstances and each time I failed to perform. Of course, being drunk, added to by an accumulation of fear and anxiety which increases with each failed attempt, doesn't help but surely there is something else going on here. I'm 24 years old and have always been able to function as normal when watching porn.

    So, why do I think I'm gay? Well, I'm not straight. I only watch straight porn but focus mainly on the guys. Not helped by the fact that I and and do regularly watch and enjoy lesbian porn. I know porn isn't a good indicator etc etc it just massively adds to the confusion. Take porn out of the equation and there is nothing in my life to ever make me think I may be gay but you the porn issue is huge. I feel that perhaps I have spent my entire life hiding my homosexuality through my use of porn. Watching straight porn (and telling myself I'm straight) whilst thinking gay thoughts. Once the porn ends, I leave the fantasy world and enter real life - where I think entirely like a straight person until I next watch porn.

    Not quite sure what the point of this post is lol. Just looking for thoughts. Any input. Anyone has similar thoughts? I feel like I'm a million miles away from being able to accept that I'm gay because I feel like I'm straight or bisexual and I don't feel I'll ever be able to move on fully unless I can accept that definitely isn't the case.
     
  2. confused155

    Regular Member

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    Re: Often feel straight but I don't think I could perform with a women (is it all fak

    Have you ever watched gay porn? Do you find that the males in the porn definitely turn you on more than the girls? Do you ever fantasize without porn and see what turns you on more?
     
  3. AKTodd

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    Re: Often feel straight but I don't think I could perform with a women (is it all fak

    If the only time you're attempting to have sex with another person (you don't mention ever attempting anything with a guy) is when you're drunk out of your mind, I would suggest that you try being stone cold sober and see what happens.

    The fact that you're 24 is pretty meaningless if you throw enough alcohol into the mix, which you are apparently doing. I assume you are not getting this drunk while watching porn and masturbating - although maybe I'm misunderstanding that bit.

    As you've already said, the failure while drunk feeds anxiety, which drives more drinking, which leads to more failures in a vicious downward spiral. You need to break out of that no matter what orientation you are.

    That all said, if you don't feel you can even approach a female without being hugely drunk, that is either an indicator of needing to really work on your confidence or possibly that you are into guys (or more into guys) than women.

    I would suggest that you absolutely stop drinking so much (perhaps stop completely) and also try masturbating without porn while fantasizing about women some times and about men other times - and see which you like more. If you can enjoy both (even if you enjoy one more than the other) you may be bi, possibly leaning more toward one or the other. Or you may find that one gender appeals to you so much more that you want to pursue them - but whatever you do, stop with the drinking - it's not doing you any good and probably hurting.

    My 2c worth,

    Todd