First let me start by saying that I have identified as a lesbian since I was 14. I am currently almost 18 and last week I realized that I have fallen deeply in love with a man. This is the first time this has ever happened. I am okay with this, I have always believed that sexuality was fluid. It's just hard because my identity was always "lesbian" and I feel as though a part of me has died. Melodramatic, I know. Another problem with this is that he has no interest in me romantically, sexually, anything. Just as a friend, like I have been to him for the past five years. I honestly just want some sort of external validation that what I'm going through is normal and okay. He knows how I feel and, even though his words are kind and eloquent, it all boils down to the fact that I love him and he does not love me. Now I feel like this man who I will never even be with has ripped away a piece of me that I have held close for so long. I'm just sad because being a lesbian was a core piece of me and I don't know how to feel about NOT being a lesbian anymore. But, am I really not a lesbian? He's the only man I feel this way about and, even though I love looking at his face and I love him emotionally, the thought of having intercourse with him is still very strange and foreign to me. Ugh. Anyways. I'm really just late night struggling/venting. Hope everyone is having a great day/night.
Hi there ! Maybe the term queer would suit you better. I don't think falling in love with one man makes you less of a lesbian, I know straigth people who fell in love with one person of the same sex but then it never happened again. He might be the exeption to your rule Even if you were more on the bi side, it doesn't change who you are as a human being, it only changes who you might date, which is not much. As for your feelings your him, I hope you'll get over him soon or that he'll develop feelings for you. Anyway, I wish you the best and have a nice day !
I'm sorry. Unrequited love sucks. It will pass, just give yourself some time. As for adjusting to letting go of the "lesbian" label, been there done that. It also takes time. LOTS. Forget about labels for now though. As rainbowtheorist says, I do hope things work out for you. But if they don't just remember there are plenty of fish in the sea Someone out there will return your feelings.
lots of people feel that they are one orientation for a long time and then realize they're something else, like you could be anything, maybe even lesbian biromantic
I've heard of lesbians nurturing platonic feelings for men, or saying that they fell in love with them but couldn't act on those feelings/be in a relationship with them. But I've also heard of "lesbians by choice", who have had feelings for men and are attracted to them but don't want anything to do with them. Your story reminds me of what I went through in the past few years. I have BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) and a dude was my "favorite person" despite me being ridiculously much more attracted to girls than boys (I've known this since I was 10). So despite craving the attention and affections of said dude, I found repulsive the very idea of pursuing any kind of relationship with him, as it would naturally occur to any person having a normal crush. Thankfully I managed to get rid of all that drama (it was kind of a love-hate thing, the sort of behavior you'd expect from a very unhealthy tsundere). "And what does it have to do with me?", you might be thinking. Well, I actually thought I was bisexual because of those intense feelings, but now I can see that they have absolutely nothing to do with my sexuality. So today I'm questioning if I can/want to pursue a relationship with any man at all or if I'll only be happy with a woman (or if both would suit me just fine). Rambling and BPD aside, my advice to you is: take your time. Unrequited love really sucks, more so if you're questioning your sexuality in the process. But it eventually fades away, if you want to take comfort in that (it really does). And don't be so strict with labels, they're only useful if they can help you.
