24 Virgin and never been in a relationship (have kissed and dated men) Sexually and romantically attracted to men Possibly sexually and romantically attracted to women Kinsey scale: 2.4 obviously i know have never had much experience with either so it’s hard to determine what i am but i’m curious to try and figure it out. the best way i can describe it is, i watch porn of all varieties but i find myself most interested in gay and lesbian (only the amateur porn or stars i think i feel are more realistic, think sinn sage…the fetish and extra fake ones just annoy me). i’ve also dreamt about women. now, i know watching and dreaming is not indicative of orientation but i would def say it’s leaning towards curiosity. i catch myself looking at women’s butts often lol. also, i sometimes wonder if the reason i’ve never been in a relationship with a man is because i maybe i want to be with a woman more so first. i know many people say bisexuals like both sexes male and female and tend to fall somewhere on the scale leaning more so towards one or other. i wonder if for me that's women.
Porn really isn't a good indicator of sexuality, so it doesn't matter what kind of porn you watch. Can you see yourself dating, kissing, marrying, or having sex with a woman? Is it the same as with a man?
Marriage is not something I necessarily so for myself regardless of who I am with but as far as dating, kissing, and having sex yes I can see myself doing that with women. I've wanted to pursue it in the past but wasn't sure about how to go about meeting someone.
Porn does say something about "what gets you going", but there's a number of factors that play into the type of porn you watch. You've heared of the typical straight guy running into transgender porn which makes them question their sexuality, right? I've always liked gay and straight porn, but most of the time I pay attention to the guy(s), however I do catch myself checking out women in the real world as well, hence my identification of homoflexible (Gay). I'm curious, though. If you aren't mastirbating to porn, what do your fantasies consist of? My knowledge in pansexuality is lacking, so I will leave that for others to answer. As for bi-curious, there would be one sex that you are attracted to much more. Bi-curious kind of sounds like homo/heteroflexible, but I believe Bi-curiosity is more for "I'm in the questioning phase" and used as a temporary label until they figure out what they like (at least this is what I think). I ID as homoflexible because I know I'm attracted to the same sex, but I've gotten pleasure from the opposite sex. Hope this helps!
Thanks for explaining that for me! As far as porn, I do masturbate and I find I mostly gravitate towards watching the woman in straight porn. Obviously with gay or lesbian porn I pay attention to both the men and women and find pleasure in watching both. I've noticed I rarely watch straight porn much anymore, I've starting watching more exclusively gay and lesbian. My fantasies in the past have consisted of men and occasionally women, more recently women but occasionally men.
If you want to kiss, cuddle, and have sex with women, then I think it's safe to say that you are not 100% straight. Do you want to do all those things with men, too? Or just some of those things? Or none of them?
I should also mention that putting my arm around an attractive guy is way more natural than putting my arm around a girl. I definitely had more of a desire to be close with a guy than a girl.
YinYang: Yes, I've always wanted to do all of those things with men and I guess that's where my confusion came from. When I looked at women in the past, I didn't necessarily think "oh she's really hot" like I did with men but I've found more recently I can look at some women and find attraction, maybe I'm just more picky. Definitely more so she's hot rather than she's just a pretty girl. Jax12: Thank you for saying that! I almost felt bad for feeling that way. Like I said, I've always been attracted to men and more recently some women (i guess physically although i've always been attracted to their bodies so i guess facially???) but because I've always had that attraction to men I would definitely say it probably comes more naturally to flirt and stuff but at the same time I've always been curious to how it would be with woman and I would like to.
It sounds to me like you may be an opposite-sex leaning bisexual, although it may take some sexual experiences to fully confirm it. And I can relate to what you are talking about, but from the male perspective. That is, I'm a guy, and have always been attracted to women, but also have attractions to men (and gender-queer people too). I am also somewhere around 2 on the Kinsey scale. Because I was attracted to women, it took me a long time to come to grips with the fact that I'm bisexual and not straight. Because we can have satisfying relationships with the opposite sex, it's easy for us bisexuals to be "functionally straight", and deny a significant part of our sexuality. If I could give you only one piece of advice, it would be to accept and explore your sexuality BEFORE you get into any sort of serious long-term relationship with a man. There are a few reasons for this: First, I've been much happier since I've accepted my bisexuality, allowed myself to act on it, and come out to my close friends. Second, an important part of that developing that acceptance is having the freedom to explore with both men and women, which is difficult if you are in a long-term relationship. And even if you are able to explore while staying in the relationship, already being in a long-term relationship puts a lot of pressure on you to decide that your preference is for the sex of the partner your currently with - when what you should be doing is exploring without a destination in mind. Third, being bisexual in a heteronormative relationship can be challenging and stressful, especially if you are a closeted bisexual. Coming out as bisexual many years into a long-term relationship can sometimes end the relationship, or at least put a lot of strain on it - especially if you have never experimented (see above). Moreover, many bisexual people report not feeling understood by their straight spouse. Many bisexual people report feeling more comfortable dating other bisexual people. I was married to a straight woman for a time, and even though I was out to her as queer before we married, and even though I really loved and cared about her, there were many times I felt she just didn't understand me and was threatened by my bisexuality. When I started dating again after the divorce, I decided to only date other bisexual people. Since then, I've been much happier in my relationships, and am currently dating a wonderful woman who is also bisexual, and I feel we understand each other and each other's sexualities much better than in my marriage.
Thank you so much QBear!! You really helped to explain a lot of areas for me and hit some important issues for me personally. Because I was attracted to women, it took me a long time to come to grips with the fact that I'm bisexual and not straight. Because we can have satisfying relationships with the opposite sex, it's easy for us bisexuals to be "functionally straight", and deny a significant part of our sexuality. This really hit the nail on the end for me. "Functionally straight" is something I often feel ashamed about. Occasionally, I'll get into conversations with friend about LGBTQIA related issues (i.e. gender identity, vocab, etc.) and for lack of a better word they are ignorant and often misinformed but I often don't share what I do know (not that i know everything, but i've learned over the years) or my views on things such as same-sex marriage or the many different forms of expression in the community (not just "butch" for lesbians and "feminine" for gay men). Also, for some reason a lot of the friends i attract are religious and don't agree with it. If I could give you only one piece of advice, it would be to accept and explore your sexuality BEFORE you get into any sort of serious long-term relationship with a man. This is something I have long considered and while now consider trying to move towards. I'll live in a not so thriving town with a limited community but it's worth reaching out there. Third, being bisexual in a heteronormative relationship can be challenging and stressful, especially if you are a closeted bisexual. Coming out as bisexual many years into a long-term relationship can sometimes end the relationship, or at least put a lot of strain on it - especially if you have never experimented (see above). Moreover, many bisexual people report not feeling understood by their straight spouse. This too is one of my concerns, which can apply to any partner, but i'm particularly concerned if i get into a relationship with a cis, hetero man....particularly in the south masculinity is important and sexual identity can be seen as a challenge to that if my partner does not understand what it means to be bi (i.e. the stereotypes- promiscuity, confusion, etc.)
Glad I was able to help. Another observation I had was that you reported the emphasis in your fantasies changing from men to women (but both still present). This could be an indication of realizing with age that you may actually prefer for women, OR, this could be the natural ebb and flow of desire that many of us bisexuals experience. Given that you report persistent fantasies about men in the past and a Kinsey scale of 2.4, I tend to think the latter - but that's really for you to figure out. Fantasy preferences that seem to periodically and persistently shift back and forth between men and women are frequently reported by many bisexuals, and are totally natural - even though it can be disorienting sometimes. The trick is to realize that it is natural and okay, and to learn to remember the totality of your experiences even when you feeling one type type of attraction very strongly. That is, if one day you feel very attracted to the opposite sex, its easy to think, "oh! See, I'm straight. I can go back in the closet," when that would be incorrect, because in another week or two, you'll be back to fantasizing about the same sex or both sexes. But rather, to enjoy that opposite attraction and say to yourself, "This is great. Yup, I'm still bisexual!" ---------- Post added 22nd Oct 2015 at 06:33 PM ---------- One other note: Some women report that they don't fully grow into their sexuality and hit their sexual peak until about age 30. So, (a) its fine that you're still a virgin and not had a significant relationship, and (b) it is possible that as you age, a preference for women may naturally emerge and become more clear. And that's okay if that happens. So, go out there and try to meet and have some experiences with women. It's amazing who you can meet through online dating sites these days. I personally have had good results with okc especially because they have a "straight people can't see me" setting, in case you need to be discrete in your small town. Good luck.
Update: Thanks to your advice I have started seeking out women more in my area and even made a OKC account which has helped a lot. I'm communicating with one women right now in particular that I like so far. Again thanks for your advice, more than anything else I feel a lot more comfortable with my orientation could/might be.
You're most welcome, and I'm glad to hear things are going well. All I ask is that you pay it forward when you get a chance. Happy holidays.
Good luck. With some experience and experimentation you should soon be sure of your orientation, however remember that you don't need to label yourself!
