hi everyone , well i am having some serious questioning of my sexuality, i thought i was straight and then my best friend happened, she is amazing and i love her, in more ways then one, and i have since i was 13 (i am 14 now btw) but she lives across the country anyway when i was 13 i realized i like her like that, and i just thought this is what friendship feels like.....i was very stupid, but i put my feelings on the shelf and ignored them started talking about how hot (random guy name here) is and pretty much being super straight...never really thought (random guy) was all that hot though..i just knew i should think he is hot. i have always been a tomboy though, hate makeup, jewelry, dolls the whole deal, dont get me wrong i like to look pretty but..just without makeup and all that stuff, but after ignoring it for a year i was talking to someone about something and they said, maybe you are bi that thought took over everything, because it made me think of my best friend, of all the girls i have ever liked..and i realized i have never like a boy like that. so know i am wondering if i am bi or just straight up lesbian....this is so stressful :help: ps. i know being a tomboy doesn't have much to do with sexual orientation but i just felt it was relevant.
Hey there hon! I know EXACTLY how you feel - went through all of those emotions and everything - and, having lived to tell the tale, I hope I can give you a little advice. ^.^ Personally, this is how it all went down: As a kid, I always consciously wanted to be a tomboy. At thirteen, I was trying desperately simultaneously to convince myself that my girl crush wasn't a crush, and to get over her. (I spoke with my parents, tearfully and in unhealthy bouts, about being gay; they brushed it off very bluntly.) After she left school, I went through a string of boy crushes which I can now identify as having been highly platonic. (Like you, I went through that phase of constant "Oh this boy is sooo hot, that boy is ridiculously crushable" - but it somehow felt like I had to convince myself it was true, hence why I pushed it so much.) After the last boy crush ended, I realized all my fantasies were about random girls (never boys) and started calling myself bi, but it didn't feel right; my parents got angry when I asked them about it. At fifteen, I fell for a gay girl who lived overseas: at sixteen, today, despite my parents trying to force us apart, she remains my closest friend, and I've acknowledged my feelings for her as being unlike any I've had for a boy. Since then, despite my parents' oppression and continuing self-conflict, I continue to identify, at least personally, as gay. OuO Now, the experience may differ from person to person. You can identify however you want; if you decide you're biromantic homosexual or full-on bisexual, or even pansexual - or (gasp!) if you even want to closet it all (though really, why would you, widespread social stigma is so fun! -.-) and just keep it to yourself until you're a bit older - that's all just fine and dandy. But the way it's going, sweetie, it looks to me like you will eventually find that your attractions are more intense, more frequent, and more prolonged with women - and, for practicality's sake, you'll want to roll with women most, if not all, of the time, simply to avoid awkward failures of relationships with guys. ^^;; Again - this is your destiny. Walk the path of your choosing. Just remember to keep an open mind and don't ever be afraid of who you are - because you, girlie, are effin' beautiful. Stay strong! <3
thank you so much, i really needed somebody to get it, it scares me that i have never had those feelings for a guy, that i have never thought about kissing them or..other stuff with them, but when i think about it with a girl..it seems..right? i guess that is the word. at the moment i am only out to my one friend, none of my family knows, even having this is a risk when it comes to outing myself. i feel very alone with all of this, so it means a lot to me that that you said all of that, it was super comforting. thank you
