Hey, EmptyClosets, this is my first post, and please take the time to read this, even though it's complicated. First off, I want to say that I feel really different when it comes to romance and sexuality. I feel like there are very few people who feel like I do. I've always been told that I'm gay, mostly in my earlier years. For a very long time, I've always been convinced that I'm bisexual, since I thought that I was attracted to both males and females. However, when I got older, I realised that I couldn't get into a relationship with a woman, because I feel too feminine inside that I'm unable to love a girl. But I really want to have sex with (and I still do) a girl. I got so desperate for love and I still am today, so I wanted to try something with a boy. But I can't see myself being in love with another boy. I only like boys around my age, blond and cute (but not feminine). But the problem is that I think that I'm "bottom", but I'm tall and a typical "top" guy. And I only like very few guys, and those I like always turn out to be straight. A very important part of my sexuality is my foot fetish. Now the weird thing about me is that I'm only attracted to female feet, but I don't like male feet. That's what really turns me on about women, but I don't like pussy. I like dick, and always did, but I'd really like to perform anal sex on a girl, but mostly getting performed anal sex on by a guy. I hate gay porn, I always watch straight porn, cause that's what turns me on the most. I'm in my late teens now, and I think it's time to try to have sex with a guy, but I only like very few guys as I earlier said, and they all turned out to be straight. Another problem I have is that I'm not really attractive. I will have a tough time finding a good looking guy to have sex with me, when I don't even look good. And especially girls don't find me attractive at all. I feel like I was supposed to be completely straight from the beginning, but an "error" in my genes made me feel like I do. It's really depressing, and I have suicidal thoughts every single day. I feel like I need love, but I can't love anybody.
Hia! First off, I really feel for you and I'm having a lot of the same problem as you. -I don't really like women and I'm a pretty feminine "Bottom"(I'm gay). -I've never had sex let alone been in any kind of relationship, even though I'm so lonely that I want to lay down in cry everyday. -I have almost every fetish you can think of but when I think of men in those fetishes it turns me off so fast. -I don't really get turned on by gay porn as much as I do by straight. -It doesn't really matter what you look like, If you want to be a more feminine "bottom" then go for it. -Go ahead and try to have sex with a guy and if you like it then great, if you don't then that's fine too. -Just take it slow and figure out what you like and what you don't like, you could just be bisexual... if you were meant to be something else then straight then that's how its supposed to be, its all normal. Don't worry about it and CERTAINLY don't commit suicide, you will make it through this. I hope this helps you or at least shows you you're not alone. Good Luck
