Hey! since almost a year ago (i guess) i been watching from time to time gay porn, (im a male - 19 years old - virgin). Despite that i've never doubted about my sexuality (straight) until i started having drug induced anxiety (lsd). I dont know if this is a real doubt because i didnt have it before starting having anxiety (2 months ago) and to be honest while you're anxious you doubt about a lot of stuff you never used to (sometimes even stupid stuff, people suffering from anxiety will understand) i've also started having from time to time homosexual intrusive thoughts (HOCD), two months ago while i was in the street my view always focused on the girls (still does) but know if i look a guy just for a second (for nothing at all) i start having intrusive thoughts like "oh why did i watched him, i must be gay.. ", etc. Yesterday i was distracted and i forget about my anxiety and my HOCD for a second and i came across a couple (man - woman) and i instinctively looked at the girl, then my intrusive thoughts came in form of a "you looked at her because you want to convince yourself... etc etc etc". So yeah, Basically my doubt is if this is because of my anxiety or not.. have in mind that despite watching gay porn, i've never doubted about my sexuality until the second month of my drug induced anxiety disorder. If you read it all, thank you :eusa_clap !!
First and foremost, I want to clarify that HOCD isn't a diagnosis on its own. OCD, however, is. It would be wise to speak to a psychologist or therapist about this to get a clear diagnosis of the condition. Anxiety makes things much more difficult to deal with. I remember being in the same situation last year. Do some deep breathing, and look back at your life about what's true and what isn't. Personally, I've always mastirbated to men, but many things didn't add up to reality. Only now do I realize that there were signs but none of it made sense to me; I didn't think it would be applicable in my situation. It's hard to deal with this on your own, and a forum can only do so much. I would recommend seeking help from professionals (it's definitely helped me). And time: time needs to do it's work.