One thing I've noticed, I am repeatedly attracted to straight men. I don't know what it is about them that makes them so much more appealing to me but they just are. Don't get me wrong on many gay guys also but there's just about a straight guy, maybe it's just knowing that I can't have him, that really makes me crush ever harder. Is this normal ??
I feel like this is me too. Luckily, there are gay guys out there who fit the mold of what we think of as straight and can fill that desire. I'm pretty sure I'm one of these guys (or so I've been told). And my now friend who was my fling for a few months is totally that guy. He told me he was gay three times before I realized he wasn't just joking. And he was equally surprised when I said I was into guys too.
CameOutSwinging you should have bought a lottery ticket that day because what are the odds!? This might not just be wanting what you can't have, although it could be. Everyone has their preferences and "types" this could just be yours. I would think that you could find a gay/bi guy who fit this preference as CameOutSwinging says. I'm bi, if you met me you would think I was totally straight, but I find myself more attracted to men who are more feminine than guys like myself. There's someone out there for everyone or so they say.
I think there are three possible ways that this could play out. You could just be attracted to less stereotypical gay guys. This could be a simple preference, like preferring blondes. If that's the case I don't really see it as a problem. There are a lot of gay guys out there who are at least as masculine as the average straight guy. The second option would be that it is a similar preference but grounded in internalized homophobia. Particularly in the early stages it seems like a lot of guys are attracted to gay guys who seem straight because they're terrified someone will give them away, whether to themselves or others. These are the guys, in my experience who identify as straight-acting. I've met plenty of gay guys that other people would describe as straight-acting who were perfectly comfortable being gay but I honestly never met anyone who describes himself as straight-acting who was. Most guys I know avoid them like the plague. The third option is that you aren't attracted to guys who seem straight but to guys who are straight. I've known guys like this before and it usually just boiled down to fear. You don't have to worry about all the complications of a relationship. You don't have to worry about whether or not it will all work out and even when they reject you it's also nothing personal. I think the third is probably the most problematic but luckily it also is generally the most transitory. I guess I would just say that what you are going through isn't at all unusual but that doesn't mean that it doesn't require some serious thought to get to the bottom of what it means for you as an individual.