Hi, everyone! I'm new to this community, so I'll introduce myself a bit. I'm a girl, I am 17 and a half years old and I am no native speaker, so sorry if I make mistakes. So, I've been questioning my sexuality for a year or so. Well... actually, I have been in doubt since age 10 but I could not really accept the possibility that I might not have been straight. I, in fact, have had sexual attraction towards women since then but I have never fallen for a girl and I'm not sure about the crushes I may have had. However, I have had plenty of crushes on boys. Let's say it's easier for me to look at boys but it's easier for me to feel sexually drawn to female bodies than to male's. Until a year ago it was also easier to picture myself dating boys but then one of my friends I told I might be bi said I should picture myself dating girls to. So I started doing that, and I'm still not 100% how I feel about it. SO, what's my problem? This summer a guy and I texted for 2 months and then met in person but could only be "together" for 2 weeks because we live in two different regions. I was really attracted to him and when I say attracted I guess I mean mostly physically. Seriously, I would get wet by only holding hands and let's not talk about making out. The problem is, while when we were hugging, or looking at each other, or holding hands I could feel those butterflies in my stomach, the feelings when we kissed died a little. I meant, I knew I was enjoying it (although both the guy and I were no experts in field, which might as well be one of the reasons kisses felt a bit plain), because I felt aroused but as I said, it was probably mostly physical. The fact is, I knew something was off but I just shook it off, because I felt that I really really really liked him, because I had never had such emotions with anyone! The guy was the first to kiss me and the first one I was intimate with, so I thought that had to mean something. So my question is, am I generalizing if I keep thinking it might be because I'm actually a lesbian? What I've been struggling with these last 7 years is exactly this, that I felt I had lesbian tendencies but I could not ignore boys as more than only friends. The fact is, I got really fond of the guy and now I'm scared that if I come to like another guy, the same thing might happen again and I will just end up hurting myself and others, even though I know I've got to make other experiences to know for sure. In fact, I was thinking of "forcing" things a little with girls... I say "force" because, although I don't reject the idea, I have never been the type of person who would just go seek for a lover and I don't know if I'm ready to seek this lover among girls. Over the past 2 months I have been really upset about it, always thinking about it, so frustrated that I had to tell my parents what was going on with me (however, I don't think they have taken me too seriously lol)... it's just that I feel guilty because of those "half feelings" I had but I don't understand the reason behind them.
