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I'm confused. Don't know what to do.

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Bobafett88, Oct 20, 2015.

  1. Bobafett88

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Washington
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Hi, I'm a 26 year old male. I've always been straight, I've had many girlfriends(only a few serious ones) and I've had sex with many women. Unless there were strong feelings involved a lot of my sexual encounters were kind of bland. I've never been the type to try to hook up at a bar or actively seek relationships. They would just kind of fall in my lap. But In the back of my head there's been this voice telling me I may be gay. I've ignored it my whole life. Pushed it down to where I couldn't hear it. To the point to where I would subconsciously ignore these thoughts. I've been really depressed lately for months. So depressed I've been suicidal. And worse I didn't know the cause because I was burying those thoughts so deep. I've recently gotten to a tipping point and now I've completely accepted that they are there. It was a liberating feeling and I almost cried in joy by just accepting that I've had these thoughts. This was only four days ago but I don't feel depressed at all. I can no longer ignore them and I don't want to. I've always been fine with homosexuality but I guess I didn't think that was me. In fact, I'm still not sure. I still find women very attractive. The prospect of being with a guy sexually doesn't really appeal to me at the moment. But I'm thinking I've spent so much of my life not letting myself accept those thoughts that even past arousal or attraction to men has been completely ignored? And maybe that'll change as I explore this new found sexual confusion? I just don't know. It's not that I don't want to be gay. It's just that whether I'm straight or gay I just want to know. I will be happy just being whoever i truly am. Gay or straight. I was raised in an anti-gay environment. Which is why I probably didn't accept the thoughts throughout my life. Any advice or comments would be greatly appreciated. I just would like to know if other people had similar experiences and any advice on where to go from here?
     
  2. camvlodvnvm

    camvlodvnvm Guest

    I would say that often people who grow up in anti-gay homes tend to be more paranoid that they're gay, even if they're not. If you are a particularly introverted person (not shy, that's different) then it might be you just prefer being single, and that sexual activity with others is a more infrequent but nonetheless desirable occurrence. Alternatively you might be asexual spectrum like me, which basically means you don't really need sex as much as other people to fulfil your sex drive.

    If you were to ask me personally, it sounds as though sex with women is kind of boring for you unless you have a strong connection with the person involved - this is called demisexuality. Basically it means you need to have a strong emotional connection with someone to desire sex with them, which kind of tallies with you. Be open to how to you feel and you'll find your way eventually. It took me (well, it's taking me) a long time to work out my own sexuality. Sexuality is more complex than we think! And remember that there are people out there to support you :slight_smile:
     
  3. Bobafett88

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2015
    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
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    Location:
    Washington
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Thank you. I appreciate it.