is there a word if you prefer to masturbate?

Is there a particular reason why you don't want to experience physical sex? Perhaps you're into voyeurism - watching other people have sex but not actually participating in it.

Maybe the issue is trust. I know when I had my first sexual experience, I was 100% active. I was the one doing all the touching and pleasing, but I didn't want the other person to do ANYTHING to me. At first I thought it was because I didn't like to be pleased, but it turned out to be an issue of control. By opening myself up to pleasure, I was losing the control I wanted. I needed to trust the other person to allow them to touch me.

That could be the issue or... it could be something else. What do you think it is for you?

 

With due regard to Chip's disappointment, isn't the word the OP is looking for "autosexual"?

 

How about "masturbation enthusiast"?

 

Why do you even need a word for this?

 

There are a lot of variations in sexuality, there's no need to label them all.

 

It sounds like you may be on the demi / asexuality spectrum.

 

I say we call the new sexuality "chipsexual"

 

First of all Chip, sexuality is never fixed. Sure it might stay in the same general area, but it is never fixed.

Secondly, by definition what you dreamer2891 describe could easily constitute asexual spectrum - as an asexual myself who masturbates I can understand this. For me masturbation is more like relieving an urge which doesn't have much/any direction. If you find people attractive in some sense, there is in fact a word, lithsexual, which is used to describe someone who feels attraction to others but no desire to have sex.

Thirdly, (Chip again!), I would stress that if someone is happy not having sex and identifying as such, you have no right to tell them that they have social/psychological problems. Identity is always ones own prerogative. On that basis one could say that homosexuality is inherently disordered, (because sex is for reproduction!) which as many of you will argue (as will I) it isn't.

I would also add Chip that "sexual attraction" itself is a hazy concept, as is "desire for sex", so you could argue that all our definitions are useless. That doesn't mean they don't help focus our attention to how we feel.

dreamer2891, you may be lithsexual, you may be asexual, you may be sexual, it's up to you how you feel. If you feel unhappy about the fact you don't want sex go get it sorted out. If you don't, good for you (*hug*)

 

That's..... confusing

 

I agree with Chip that it's a good idea to look beneath the surface at what may be causing the disconnect. And if one counselor isn't helpful, that doesn't mean that another one might not be.

A couple of years ago I realized that I was molested as a small child, And that led to the understanding of how that abuse has profoundly impacted my entire life. I can look back now and see why I fell into one abusive relationship after another...and how even though I have a very high sex drive...I always disconnect when sexually intimate with someone.

With my last girlfriend I started having flashbacks while we were being intimate. It was no longer safe to even have sex while dissociating from the person I was with.

Right now, I'm single and happy to be so. I feel safe masturbating. And I have no real desire for sex with another person...though I deeply desire physical (non-sexual) affection like full body snuggling.

I have no friends IRL right now, so I don't know how this will play out in the future. Hopefully, I can work through the years of abuse and learn to trust and love. But I'm content with where I'm at right now...aware and learning (with the help of an excellent counselor who does not focus on fixing the past but rather helping me in the here and now). I'm learning to know and love myself. Learning how and why I react the way I do and how I can re-train my responses.

This is my personal experience, and obviously not everyone who prefers to masturbate rather than have sex with someone will have been sexually molested. But I do agree with Chip that many times there are underlying issues that could be responsible for the disconnect, dissociation, lack of trust, or need to maintain control.

If there are questions in your mind...maybe it's your subconscious letting you know there's something there.

 

Oh dear...and I thought that was mechanophilia...oh, wait, I get it...you're making one of those joke-type apparatuses, aren't you?

 

I accept the challenge to find a new word!

Here's my suggestion: jackinsexual.

 

Chip, I recently posted something disagreeing with your views on the use of labels. It's only fair I point out that your post above is pretty spot on and eloquently worded.

 

"If we are referring to sexual orientation, then, according to just about every credible source, your information is incorrect. If we're talking about sexual behavior, then of course not. I was speaking about orientation."

This is ridiculous. There is no objective measure of sexuality, only how people feel and physiologically react. Sure, studies suggest that sexuality is pretty stable over long periods (cf. Savin-Williams, Joyner, Rieger), but the only measure of that is people's self-identification and physiological responses. Each person's sexuality is unique. Saying that two people have objectively the same sexuality is nonsense.

"Maybe according to the unrecognized definitions propagated by a tiny population whose opinions are based on crowdsourced groupthink, and not credible research, clinical experience, or anything that can be grounded in credibility. But if we're using credible, grounded information recognized by everyone except this tiny group that's invented its own definitions, then no, the behavior described does not meet the recognized definition of asexuality."

These definitions are often used and applied liberally, yes. But that does not mean that many people have not taken the time to consider how they feel and come to a sincere conclusion, or that they are not good descriptions of self-identification. The trouble is, credible research and clinical experience can only go so far. It mostly relies on self-identification and physiological responses to stimuli, which doesn't paint a full picture of sexuality, only the subjective (identification) and the behavioural. Currently the asexual spectrum is a place for people who feel that sexual desire, "attraction", or behaviour is downplayed somewhat in their lives. In other words, they feel that those identities on offer aren't sufficient.

"I would agree with you. The problem is, in the handful of (crappy) studies that do exist on self-defined asexuals, a very large portion of them (60%, according to one study I read) also describe (probably also self-diagnosed) anxiety, depression, or aggressive behavior... all of which make it hard to objectively describe oneself as "happy" and, for that matter, all of which happen to have, among their most common effects, lowered or nonexistent sexual attraction."

Indeed. Though if the studies are crappy, how can you use them to back up your argument? They're either good enough to use or not. Also, how do you measure sexual attraction? What is it exactly? Define it for me. I sure can't.

If you're talking about depression and anxiety, the effect is actually on sex drive or libido, which is a physiological process. Asexuals don't necessarily have a low sex drive. In fact some can have a higher sex drive than average. If you want to use the studies, what about the other 40%...?

"So we are doing a disservice to people that are trying to figure out who they are by propagating the completely unwarranted, unproven, mostly unresearched, and absolutely unvalidated idea that asexuality is common, that it can be practically anything anyone defines it to be, and that people who have the slightest idea they might be asexual should simply learn to be happy with it instead of at least considering and exploring other possibilities. To do anything else is irresponsible.

But... that is completely different from telling someone who has honestly explored him or herself that s/he should not be happy. People who have done the self-exploration, ruled out the issues that can lower or eliminate sexual drive and arousal, and are happy... more power to them. But that number appears to be infinitesimally small, while the number of people who have a transient issue that could be solved , and would likely lead to a much richer and more fulfilling life for them is much larger... and people who have decided (rightly or wrongly) that they are asexual, by whatever definition, have no business telling other people that they fit some definition of something that nobody except a tiny group of people that have self-decided on it have adopted. Sorry about that."

I totally agree. Actually, all I was doing was giving some options. There is nothing wrong with identifying with a label that describes how you feel. There is also nothing wrong with having some counselling/seeking medical help if you feel that there is something amiss. But to say that one should do one or the other is not anyone's prerogative but the person's. Not yours, not mine. Hence why I say if you're happy, good for you, if you're not, get it sorted out.

Oh and all labels are somewhat "fraudulent". They don't fully describe a person's sexuality at all. Sexuality is far more complex than that. The words we use are relational to other people and how we feel, not a full definition of our "sexuality", whatever that is. To say otherwise is to assume that sex and gender are fully definable concepts too, which they most certainly are not. How would you explain sexuality in the context of de la Chapelle syndrome, or Klinefelter syndrome? Come to think of it, what about intersex people? What about trans people - is a man who falls for a transwoman "technically" gay? These definitions are ambiguous. You're making a lot of assumptions about biological sex if you say that a) sexuality is a fixed concept and b) it is easily definable. I'm not saying that one can simply change their orientation (à la conversion therapy) but that there are biological/physiological/psychological processes that can influence our attractions/desires and cause our behaviours and self-identification to change.