I'm 26 years old, single, pretty masculine, and realizing that I'm either bisexual or gay. As I've grown older I've been able to realize this by processing various events throughout my life, combined with my current life now. I look back on my life when I first discovered porn when I was a pre-teen. I would constantly look at gay porn and was fascinated in comparing my penis to other men. In the locker room, I'd look at other boys, and in gym class I would look at their crotch through their gym shorts. Now that I'm older, I continually find myself meat gazing and still look at gay porn when I masturbate. However I do not find "average men" attractive and only find slim/fit men hot. (Could be because I'm slim myself.) People who are flamboyantly gay also do not attract me at all. I've had 2 serious girlfriends in my life which have been good relationships, but not ones to last more than 2 years. I think women are sexy, I love women's curves, and making a girl orgasm is one of the best things ever. But I don't have a strong urge to go meet women and don't have a strong urge to go have sex with women. I never have gotten hard in strip clubs and really hate the idea of a strip club. Although I think women are attractive, no matter what I still have this longing deep inside that frustrates me daily. One day I downloaded the ****** app and decided I wanted to meet up with someone. I went over to a guy's house, smoked a bowl with him, and then freaked out and left. The second time a different guy came to my place, we did oral, and he left. It was good, and I was hard instantly. Versus when I've been with girls, I often struggle. However I was extremely uncomfortable about the situation and was pretty freaked out throughout the situation. To make matters more trippy: My brother recently told me he's gay. He's one of the most straight hunter/fisherman/country boys that I've ever met and the fact that he's gay blows my mind. He knows I've had thoughts and I've met up with someone before, but he knows I'm still in a struggle area. I classify myself as an ambivert. I'm outgoing at times, but also introverted and in my head many other times. I think this is a major source of my problems. Because I care so much what other people think, I'm completely wrapped up in my head and I feel like I might be deeply deeply closeted. I really don't know how to proceed. I want to try to have more gay sexual interactions to see if my desire still exists, but the idea of meeting a random guy on ****** kinda freaks me out. I've never been the type to bring girls home and always have needed a friendly relationship with a girl before having sex with them. So here I am, on Empty closets. I would love any and all of your insight. Just need some advice on what you think the right path for me is. Thank you all.
I am a little older than you and I came out to myself few months ago. As you when I was a teen I was always looking at guys in a sexual way or thinking they are hot and beside people say you can use porn to determine your sexuality I only watched gay porn and when I was jerking off I was thinking about having sex with guys so start to think OK this is not normal, but I alsotought was just a "phase" but this "phase" never gone. I dated one girl have sext with few but I never realy want to have sex with girl, sure if I kiss a girl and things starts to get "hot" I will want to have sex, but after and during the sex I do not enjoy, when I finish is like, OK and if the girl doesn't wat to have sex I am ok . Also when I went with my girlfriend to the beach I was looking at guys KKKKKKK So when I was 22 (I think so) I pretty much knew I was Gay but I repressed myself, because I didn't want to make my mom,dad and friends "sad" so I keep this to myself until this year. This year I met a gay guy that I trusted and I told him that I was questioning myself for years, he helped me to "free" myself and now I feel a little bit better, at least know I am true with myself. I am still in the closet, just two people know I am Gay but I would like to tell to my mom, dad and my best friend, but I will wait a little bit more. Since I accept myself, I am less depressed and I have less suicidal thougts and also know if someone call me Gay or Fag I reply "Ok so what is the problem". Like my niece she said to me "You look Gay with this T-Shirt" I replied "Realy !! Sorry I am not perfect" my niece and my sisters look at me like "?" WTF he just said. KKKKKKk Dad and mom they pretty much know I am Gay but as I said I didn't told. I don't know why in 2015 and still today for many people being Gay is something so wrong and bad, if we like same sex will not change who we are our "core" still the same. I think everybody should know how this make us feel because now I know why I was depressed and had suicidal thougts all my life. If you want to chat you can send me a PV Take care and be true to yourself, don't be afraid just be honest to yourself Sorry for the long post !
