*waves nervously* I haven't been here in awhile. Okay, so I originally came out as lesbian. Then further down the road realized I might be pansexual. And now... I don't know. Is it possible to be asexual despite having had sex in past relationships? Is it possible to be asexual and still like to read porn, just not have a physical reaction to it? When I was in relationships and the subject of sex would come up, I would blame my bipolar meds as the reason I never really got sexually aroused. I've never had an orgasm, not even close. In the relationships where I had sex, to me it was all about the closeness and intimacy that came with the act, not really the act itself. I read smut stories on certain websites, and I also write a lot of smut. I get excited *mentally* about these stories, the good writing, the way things flow, the intensity of the moment... But never physically aroused. I've had intense romantic feelings for some of my exes, so... Panromantic, instead of sexual? Panromantic asexual? Is... That a thing?
Alright, I'm pretty well versed in this. Asexuals can and often do have sex, behavior and orientation are two different things. They might have it to ease their libido or to please their partner, etc. Some Asexuals (especially those who consider themselves autochorissexual) do enjoy smut, a story is very different from reality. And you certainly can be a panromantic asexual, I mean I'm omniromantic so it's entirely possible.
Hello, fellow (possible) panromantic ace! Yes, that is a thing! If you don't feel sexual attraction, you are ace. It's as simple as that. someone who is asexual can still orgasm, and you can be asexual even if you have had sex before. Just because you read smut, doesn't mean you're asexual because it's not sexual attraction, just a story with sexual content.
OK, first, no, it is not a thing, at least not if we're using any sort of credible sources to base our answers on. It really depends on whose definition of asexual we're using. There is a widely used and recognized definition, well grounded in clinical study, research, and used by practically everyone. By that definition, you are decidedly not asexual. And there's another definition -- actually, a moving target of a bazillion different definitions for the same word -- that's been popularized by a tiny group of people who have absolutely nothing credible on which to base it. By the definition that tiny group uses, practically anyone could be asexual or "on the asexual spectrum", making the word pretty unhelpful. Here's the crux of the issue: When we are defining sexual orientation, we're (hopefully) using it to help people understand and accept who they are. Asexuality, by the widely-accepted definition, is someone with absolutely no sexual attraction whatsoever. Using the widely-accepted definition, asexuality is fixed and unchangeable in the same way homo and heterosexuality is. Now... in your (OP) case, you've got the complication of a mental health issue and medications for said mental health issue. Since we know that most mental health conditions that affect mood (and bipolar is definitely in that category) also strongly affect sexual attraction, it is grossly irresponsible for anyone to make any claims that you are asexual, as it is very highly likely that both the mental health issue and the medication to treat it are affecting your sexual attraction. What is far more likely is that you're experiencing a temporary lack of sexual attraction/arousal that's brought about by one of those factors. And that's an eminently solvable problem. Labeling yourself as someone who's unable to experience and enjoy love fully and completely because you have a transient condition would, at least in my opinion, be a huge disservice to you. Now... anybody can label him or herself anything s/he wishes... I can label myself unicornsexual, but it doesn't mean there's a shred of credibility or basis on which to ground that label, but I'm certainly entitled to use it. What I can't or shouldn't do is try to convince anyone else that they are something because I happen to believe that I am. And unfortunately, there's a lot of that with the people using the unrecognized labels. All of the above said, for someone who has genuinely explored themselves, ruled out psychological or iatrogenic (medication-caused) causes for the lack of sex drive, then the asexual label is probably a reasonable choice. In your case, looking at it objectively and using the widely-accepted definitions, there's pretty much no chance you are asexual or "on the asexual spectrum." You more likely just need to get your medications properly set and your mental health issues resolved... and then your sex drive should return in full force.
