Ok so this wouldn't bother me so much if I didn't have these constant thoughts about my orientation. I've been diagnosed with anxiety and compulsive worrying (I used to worry about having cancer if I was sick or something) but since I was like 15 I got a thought in my head asking "what if you're a lesbian?" After I watched lesbian porn and ever since then it's been eating away at me. I've realized I can't be a lesbian because of my romantic and sexual attraction to men that's always been there, but I get really turned on by women in porn. I have these compulsive thoughts about being gay daily and have to keep reminding myself that I'm not and people would say that's denial but like I don't don't feel like I am gay or even bi. I don't know if I'd experiment with a girl, probably not. But I know I wouldn't date one because idk it just don't feel right to me. ( I have nothing against lesbians but it's just not something that feels like it's "Me" you know?) What do you guys think? Am I straight and just overthinking it or possibly heteroflexible or bi curious?
Porn is a bad indicator of sexual orientation. It is purely designed to elicit arousal, and means essentially nothing in the grand scheme of things. You said, "I don't feel like I am gay or even bi" and followed with explaining how it wouldn't feel right to be with a girl, or to have sex with one. To me, it sounds pretty clear that you are not attracted to females. So, if you are not attracted to females, that eliminates the possibility of being bisexual and homosexual - leaving only straight (or asexual) as the last option. Cross out ace since you say you are attracted to men. Based on your description, it sounds like you may be overthinking this. But then again, who am I to tell you what your sexuality is? My advice: if you are truly concerned about an attraction to women, try to test the waters a bit. Observe where your eyes go when you see "attractive people." Do they go to men, or ever to women? If so, how does that feel? Ask yourself, if you were in a situation where a very pretty, nice girl wanted to date you - and everyone you knew was completely accepting of this - would you pursue a relationship with this girl? Often times, people go through denial when they are faced with less-than-pleasant circumstances should they come out as gay/bi/lesbian. They try to convince themselves that they aren't gay, when in their heart (or gut) they know that it's true. Also, you may want to ask yourself why you are having these thoughts about being gay? When did these thoughts start? Have you ever been in a relationship with a guy? If so, how did that feel? These are just some ideas to get you to think for yourself, and are not necessarily for myself. Wish you the best of luck.
