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Please can anybody relate to anything at all going on in my life

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by snowman123, Oct 26, 2015.

  1. snowman123

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Vermont
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Can anybody relate to any of these experiences? I am just trying to figure out what I should do.
    CONCERNS:
    - "Straight" up until last year, sex between 3 girlfriends actually hundreds of times, always enjoyable
    - Never really had strong (maybe any) romantic feelings for girls though?
    - Slight physical attraction to males, it was not suppressed, just faint so I never paid attention to it
    - Go through TERRIBLE night in February while visiting a girl I thought I might actually have had feelings for, (lots of drugs, alcohol), wake up traumatized. PTSD flashbacks of me feeling like she thought I was weird, intense anxiety attacks, severe depression (was depressed before this for as long as I could remember though)
    -Spend a lot of time with an old "straight" friend of mine who started coming onto me whenever we were intoxicated, and also kept trying to get me to come out (this is not an altered state of mind thing, so don't worry about that)
    - I start to feel a romantic/emotional attraction to him, I talked to him about it sober later on but he denies it happened (I am over all that now, so w.e)

    CURRENT PROBLEM: The feelings for my friend were my first strong attractions to a male and that left me sexually confused. I definitely had HOCD for like 6 months and that was fucking terrible. I am much more at peace with myself now, but I am still getting mixed signals from my brain.

    I definitely have physical attractions to both genders, but my sex drive has kind of been extremely off-wack since I had that traumatic experience with that girl. I don't know if I am moving toward asexuality or something? I just feel like I don't really get turned on that much anymore and it hurts me. I recently had sex with some girl i'm talking to (but I was drunk so it was easier to stay in the mood), and I'm moving toward a relationship with her but I don't want to not be able to give her the emotional connection she deserves.. which could be the case if I'm gay. I would love to see if I could have sex with a girl while sober, and I would experiment with a guy but now there is the problem of sexual performance anxiety because I think I would only be halfway interested?

    More Q's: Is Bisexual (with weak attractions) and Homoromantic a real thing that any of you can say you actually feel? did any of you receive immediate clarity of your homosexuality after having sex with a male?

    maybe I still do have OCD I am so so so lost

    IF YOU CAN RELATE TO ANYTHING AT ALL, let me know the details thank you

    ---------- Post added 26th Oct 2015 at 07:18 PM ----------

    am i gay if this post made me cry
    http://emptyclosets.com/forum/sexual-romantic-orientation/684-am-i-gay.html

    i

    don't

    know

    what

    to

    do

    ---------- Post added 26th Oct 2015 at 07:18 PM ----------

    why is it not easier

    ---------- Post added 26th Oct 2015 at 07:19 PM ----------

    why can't i tell
     
  2. biAnnika

    Full Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Northeastern US
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hey dear. Yes, bisexual, but with weak attraction to one sex or the other is a real thing. I can't express my own sexuality that way, but I definitely experience a lower level of attraction to men than to women (and/or to *fewer* males than females).

    I'm agnostic on the whole "separation of sexual and romantic attraction" question: on the one hand, a lot of people report it as their lived experience; on the other hand, no research has found a reason for it, and I cannot think of one, given what I know of brain function. So I'm agnostic about it, and open to argument on both sides. It is entirely possible that you are capable of romantic attraction to guys and that sex with men would absolutely knock your socks off...but that you do have some repressed stuff going on that finally snuck past your defenses with your friend.

    Sexuality and attraction can be messy. And repression and denial are what they are. You say "it wasn't repression" or "it isn't denial" as if you could possibly know. You can't. I'm not saying anything is or is not repressed...I'm saying you can't know. The best you can do is to explore the attractions you feel, as honestly as you can.

    You ask whether you are gay. You ask it desperately. Why does it matter? I am genuinely curious. Is it that it would be so bad if you were gay? Or that if you're gay, then you could finally stop investing time in hitting on women and getting them into bed? Or something else?

    The answer to that question should help you. If you think it would be bad to be gay, then that's something to focus on and deal with. There is in fact nothing wrong with being gay. If knowing that you're gay would mean you could stop trying to bed women...then it sounds like stopping trying to bed women is a desirable thing to you...so just stop. It'll be a hell of a lot easier to figure out whether you're gay if you stop. But in general, if you don't enjoy something, stop doing it. At least until it starts sounding good again.

    Anyway, I don't know if any of this helps. But these are some thoughts on the subject. Best wishes to you as you continue your journey.
     
  3. ConsciousRose42

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 16, 2015
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    Location:
    Bristol uk
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    A few people
    How about giving up
    The booze - give yourself some head space :slight_smile:
    For me alcohol only ever made my sex life worse and more confusing -
    I would never have a one night stand now the alcohol
    Isn't in my life -
    It took away my self respect and respect for anyone else -
    Love is love - let it come naturally into your life mail
    Or female
    A clear head may just make
    All the difference to you

    ---------- Post added 27th Oct 2015 at 02:26 PM ----------

    Male not mail