TGirl obsession help

Hey
I think I posted this in the wrong forum originally
I dont really know how to word some of this, so apologies if its a little confusing. I will try to be clear.

I am a straight female and have been with my boyfriend now for 4 years.

Before we met, he only had sex a handful of times, had crippling low confidence both in and out of the bedroom and was ashamed of his sex life compared to his friends ( can only imagine what some groups of teen guys are like growing up ). He also suffers from anxiety and worries a lot.

Before we met, he used to watch a lot of girl on boy porn which is totally cool. Then he became very interested in anal sex and & what it might be like for him. He says it was a taboo and he wondered what it might be like to have anal sex. Due to his limited sexual history and not having anyone male around to speak to really, his anxiety etc, he paniced that thinking anout being penetrated anally as a signal that he must be gay. Confused and not having anyone to speak to, he started to speak to T-girls on the interest. He says this is because he didnt find men attractive, but he thought this must mean something so Tgirls seemed the next option. When speaking to them, his messages were overlhy confident ' Hey Sexy'/ 'Fuck me your hot' etc - things he would never dream of saying in 'real' life. After only a couple of messages back and forth, he would beg them to meet him. I say beg, because even if they didnt reply, he would keep asking and asking them. He says, that he did this to 'scare himself' . He knew deep down he wasnt going to meet them, but he needed to have the option and then not turn up to know that it really wasnt what he wanted.

Then we met. I am very open sexually and could always tell I was much more experienced. He seemed incredibly happy, and more confident as the weeks and months went on. We had a very happy, experimental and active sex life. I initiated using my finger on him anally, without him asking and with no-prior knowledge of his t-girl chats or curiosity. He seemed to love it and would sometimes ask for it. I was happy to continue as it turned him on.

Then 8 months into our relationship I was using his laptop and saw that he had been on a forum talking to t-girls and asking them to meet up. He wasnt getting to know them, or form any kind or relationship. It was literally 'your so hot, want to meet' type messages. When i confronted him, he broke down and told me about this past and his worries. Scared what it ment that he wanted to try it. And fuelled by me playing with him, and him enjoying it, he had gone back to his old habit. Scared of what him enjoying it 'ment'.

After this, I showed him websites full of straight men who enjoyed anal stimulation. Showed him sites where you could buy anal sex toys and tried my best to show him that anal sex and be enjoyed by a man and a women and it doesnt automatically mean that he is gay. He said non of his friends had ever spoken about it and he had no idea it was 'ok' or 'normal'and he felt confused and scared and ashamed.
He went to see a counciller to try and understand his anxiety and his emotions.

It seemed to work, although looking back, we jumped back into a relationship far too soon. I always worried that he may be gay, that he may be attracted to t-girls or be bi etc ( not because i judge but because I wanted to be with a man who will not stray ).

He hated speaking about it, he never asked for me to play with him anally and we continued for 3 more years.

Until last month. I saw he had been on a forum again and looking at his history , he has been on there 3 times in the last few weeks but swears never before. He said the thoughts had crept back and he was too scared to ask me to use something on him or play with him again, because we were happy and he didnt want to drag up what happened 3 years ago, which i kind of get .
Again he was on the same forum, asking the same girls to meet. But swears he never went and I do beleive him. He is also still painfully shy and under confident. He tells me how much he loves and fancies me, that he wants to marry me one day. That he notices hot girls in the street but never a guy. That I turn him on so much ( and i know I do - not big headed... but you can tell right ?>! ) that he doesnt imagine a penis stimulating him, he just imagines something.
After seeing a therapist he has admitted that he started to think about it a few times a day, and it started to take over. He uses the word 'obsessed'. But what i dont get is, if he was obsessed wouldnt he google it ? watch T girl porn or something ? He has always thought the word case scenerio and panics and says thats why he does what he does - to prove something to himself.

He says that last time he didnt listen or deal with it properly, he say how much hurt it caused and wanted to just go back to normal so he buried his head in the sand. This time he is trying to look at his anxiety, lies and understand his sexuality better by seeing a therapist to talk about things ( he struggles to talk about feelings etc ). The therapist advised him buying a toy and trying it himself. As he says, he doesnt even know if he would like it, but the thought of it is taking over.

I am hurt, hurt because he lief, hurt because he begged t-girls for sex. Hurt because i have built a life with a man who can go behind my back.

Does he have a thing for T-girls ? or is he just scared and confused ? I dont know what to do. He is the love of my life in every other way. But Im scared ina few years time I will be right back here. Plus, if he does it to himself and hates it, will he just think it may be better with a tgirl ? Or if he doesnt it to himself and loves it will he then take the next step and use an actual penis ?

I feel really alone and want to know if anyone is going though anything like this or can advise

Sorry for the essay

Please help me

Ive done all i can to be the perfect girlfriend and understand after last time, but I cant be hurt anymore

x