Is there a term for sexual attraction without the desire for sex?

I feel like that, yep.

Definitely I am attracted (sensually, I like to say) to men. So I identify as gay. However I'm not all that keen on the wibbly-wobbly-sexy-wexy part.

Some people believe there is a differentiation between romantic, aesthetic (e.g. sensual but not sexual), and sexual preferences. But this view is largely unsupported by evidence and remains theoretical/anecdotal.

Others believe that you are one sexual orientation or the other, but may have a low sex drive for whatever reason.

Some believe sexuality is fluid.

One interesting way to look at it, and (disclaimer) the following is purely my own imagination and theory and completely not based on any "evidence" would be to look at sexuality as a triangle, instead of a spectrum. Each person's sexuality is spotted at a certain point between three extremes - being 100% homosexual, 100% heterosexual, and 100% asexual. So you could be between gay and ace, or between gay and straight, and so on. Personally, I believe sexuality is fixed and thus doesn't fluctuate (at least not by very much) over someone's life. I'd be interested to see what others think of a "sexuality triangle" which includes asexuality as opposed to a "straight-to-gay" spectrum. Food for thought, at least.

 

A sexuality triangle seems like a prettty reasonable concept. People can be on a spectrum of different levels of sex drive as well as attraction to different people. I do feel that you can have different romantic and sexual attractions. Asexuality is actually a good example of that. You could be a asexual and heteroromantic, biromantic or homoromantic. It's hard for me to believe that these orientations are 100% seperate when you're not asexual or aromantic, but they can be different.

Sorry to interrupt in a serious post, but "wibbly-wobbly-sexy-wexy" is officially the way I'm going to refer to sex from now on!

 

I guess you could just identify as sex repulsed... I'm not sure. Maybe there's not a label for it and you'd have to explain that you're not interested in sex.

 

I understand this! I'm gay and know i'm not asexual, as have sexual/physical attraction to guys who are my type

I would argue that there is a 3rd attraction... that of 'physical attraction' that exits somewhere between romantic and sexual attraction.

the best way to describe it is that Looks DO matter, I need to be attracted, physically/aethetically to a guy.. but the feeling is romantic over sexual... You could say its very Disney Princess-ish.... The Handsome prince charming... the attraction is physical certainly.... but its not 'I want to see him naked and head straight for his genitals' type of sexual attraction.

Also - I do want physical intimacy, past holding hands..... I would want hugs, touching, spooning, snuggling etc ..... its just not nudity, genital or orgazam centric!

 

Perhaps graysexual/gray-asexual.
Also physical attraction would fall into the area of sensual attraction I suppose. I usually describe it as wanting to cuddle with someone.
For me aesthetics can play a role but not usually.

A lot of people are going by a different definition of asexuality (a person who experiences little to no sexual attraction and/or little to no desire for partnered sex) now which removes the need for the term gray-ace.

 

I also posted a Topic several days ago that I enjoy a sexual fantasy world through Masturbation..... I am sexual and turned on my visual things.....

......BUT I don't actually want sex with a partner... i DON'T want to do things i see in porn in real time/life... its purely a visual ( slight auditory) and imaginary phenomena.

And then I have my Romantic/Aesthetic/Sensual attraction side separate

Sex=alone Romance =shared

 

Well, how do you define "sexual attraction"? Do you mean just looking at someone 'hot' gets you aroused, or do you mean you just want to touch / caress / cuddle them? The latter is more precisely called "sensual attraction" and is experienced by many people who identify as asexual.

("Aesthetic attraction" is more like appreciating someone's beauty in a non-sexual way, like a work of art. This is when you can see that someone is "attractive" in the sense of "beautiful", but you don't really understand the term "sexy" or "hot" on a visceral level.)

Similarly, many asexuals are perfectly capable of empathising with other people who are sexually enjoying themselves, even if these people's bodies don't do any more to arouse the asexual person than a potted plant would. This is why reading erotic stories (which focus more on what the characters feel emotionally and in terms of physical sensations) often works much better for asexual people in terms of mastubatory 'inspiration' than visual porn. (This isn't rare, even in those who can't imagine themselves ever having partnered sex. Google the term "autochorissexual".) Or perhaps you've noticed that professional porn does nothing for you - because it's optimised for visuals and the emotions / vocalistions are often totally fake - but amateur porn with loving couples and/or people who are very expressive and honest about their enjoyment does arouse you, even if the filming quality is very low? (A more extreme test would be a website called "Beautiful Agony", which shows videos of amateurs getting off, but you only see their faces, not their bodies or what exactly they are doing to themselves.) In my book, that's basic human empathy from one person with an active libido to the next, not actual sexual attraction to the other person.

Or is it that other people's looks do arouse you and you feel yourself drawn to them, but then you hit a wall where it's just unthinkable for yourself to be having sex with them? Then you might not be asexual, but nonetheless sex-repulsed. It happens, I guess? I just hope it's not trauma-related.

And then there are people who just don't have an innate libido (i.e. not even a completely undirected need for purely physical sexual release) and don't enjoy sexual stimulation. I think the technical term is "anhedonic" but that's more a medical / psychiatric diagnosis (and as such requires the person to actually see their condition as in need of fixing). I've seen people who don't feel that they suffer from not having any interest in sexual pleasure whatsover refer to themselves as simply "libidoless".

 

I mean I feel like that's not that uncommon and doesn't really need a label. That's just feeling sexual attraction but not being ready for and/or interested in sex right now. I'm the same. I'm pretty sure for me it's at least in part due to dysphoria (I suspect I'd be more interested in sex if I had the right body for it), but regardless I feel like it's not that unusual and it's not its own orientation or anything.

 

there is a spectrum of Asexual identities that you should look up and may identify with

 

Hi Chip

good answer and I think you gave me a similar one. Would you have any recommendations for what to look for in a therapist and what to explore with them?

I'm keen to explore this, and I've had 3 therapists, 2 of which were Pychosexual therapists.

I'd explain to them the issues of having sexual attraction but no desire for partnered sex... as well as an unwanted fetish. and the general message was 'accept yourself' - 'whats os bad about what your doing'..... 'your unique, your own person'.....

I found it very frustrating as i just didn't get anywhere as it just seemed to be like they where constantly saying 'maybe thats the way you are - nothing wrong with that' and basically encouraging me to take a label or at least be unique 'even if your the only one that feels this way - your fine'!

I find it hard to know what to believe.