So, I recently realized that I am homosexual and always was. Now, my problem is that before I realized this, I became obsessed with that guy and I don't even really know why, I never talked to him I just looked him in the eyes once but I was obsessed and probably still am and I'm not even sure if a relationship would work, If I would enjoy being intimate with him, do I just want to be friends? Because I know that we have quite a lot in common. I can't really tell if it's romantic or platonic attraction. But there is no sexual attraction. Wtf is going on? When I see him I'm like paralyzed. Probably because I have been obsessing over him for almost 4 effin' years!! I know that lesbians or gay men can fall in love with the opposite sex from time to time, it's probably rare, but is has happened. I'm not biSEXUAL because I am not attracted to men sexually. Maybe biromantic? Do I just wan't to be like him or what? I'm scared to talk to him and tell him what I feel, because I don't even know what I feel and what I wan't. Has someone ever obsessed about someone platonically? And do you think I should try to talk to him maybe become friends or something and then see whats happening? Would you say I'm crazy or just homoflexible or homosexual + biromantic? It all started when I was 14, now I'm almost 18. It started because at that time my best friend got a boyfriend and I was so jealous that she is taken now and has less time for me. That I thought the best revenge would be if I got a boyfriend too so I picked him for that and since that day I wanted him and after a year or so the real obsession began. I'm not even friends with that girl anymore and she and her boyfriend broke up. So what do I even want? What I know is that I fantasize about hanging out with him and his friends but not really about a romantic date. Does that mean anything? Do you have any advice for me? Thanks for taking the time to read this. ^-^
It's hard to know really. If it's just a one-off attraction, and it's not sexual, I wouldn't think you would need to reassess your whole sexuality. Maybe it's just some sort of platonic appreciation/admiration. I occasionally have platonic 'crushes' on guys (maybe a deep feeling of friendship is a better way to describe it), a lot more than actual romantic crushes. But the thought of dating/sexual stuff is really gross... Like dating a brother or cousin or something :S But I mean, that's the same with my female best friend too, but I love her to absolute (platonic) pieces. So unless you feel the obsession with him is more than platonic, maybe try distancing him from your thoughts for a bit. Oh, and just something to consider. Would you be resisting a romantic crush on him because you do identify as gay and this breaks down that familiar label? It doesn't seem like that... I think maybe you just really want him as a close friend??
Thanks for your reply. It really helped me reading this, because I never told anybody about this. I think you're right, it's most eventually just platonic admiration. It makes sense, it's just that I never experienced something like that. But when I think about dating him, it's pretty weird. I would like to be close friends with him. That should be it. I feel like "a deep feeling of friendship" is a very good way to describe it. Thank you for helping me out. ^-^
