Hello i'm a 21yo guy i grew up as straight as a straight can be without even being attracted a little bit to guys ! I never felt aroused by a guy in the locker at the beach or with my friends . I sometimes had fantasies of me sucking a guy but like 10 times for 1000 fantasies about Herero fantasies and it never bothered me . I always knew gay porn could arouse me because sex is sex and seeing to guys having sex is still sex but I never went to gay porn in my life because I never even thought about it . I am in a relationship for 2 years it Was perfect and I was more in love than ever . I wanted to marry her and have children with her in the futur . I thought it was "the one" but as time passed she became cold , started to refuse my love my affection and any sex.. It hurted me so bad .. That being said I was in a really bad mood and I made my first gay dream . I woke up scared as hell "what the?? Am I gay ??" I mean I always desired girls and wanted to have sex with them and that felt really satisfying ! I began to check myself to see if I was aroused by guys to dream about gay stuff everynight to be effraid of what I was scared to be . I had sex several times after that but it was not the same anymore "do you really enjoy it? And if it was a guy?" It was ruining my libido and my life .. After some time I finally achieved erection to guys (only over muscular guys with huge pecs and abs) I could even jerk off and come by thinking about it . I cryied for many nights thinking I should kill myself.. I don't have anything against gay or bi but I don't want to be bi.. I said to myself "ok you are bi.whatever it doesn't matter your life is not over" But I am so scared to lose my heterosexuality.. I already lose my love for my girlfriend as if I was to gay to be in love with her (or maybe after all that I realized how hurtful she was to me) I slept with an other girl 3 days ago and I was excited and got a boner just by thinking of having sex with her (yeah it's wrong to cheat but I had to prove myself I'm not gay) But my gay urges became so strong recently it freaks me out .. Can someone relate ? Try to tell me that it is going to be fine because suicide came to my mind so many times.. Should I try with a muscular guy ? I'm scared to do it because it's new I'm afraid of liking it to much and lose my heterosexuality or to dislike it and feel like shit.. Maybe it's a phase because it comes from nowhere .. At the moment gay sex seems so much more appealing than Hetero sex in my mind.. It makes me feel like shit..
Sorry to hear you are having such a hard time lost in my life ... And yes when things get hard like this and it's so grounded in Our identity - if it's so confusing and overwhelming thoughts of despair can come in - Have you had any experiences happen in the past ? In your young life ? You don't have to answer just food for thought I myself have struggled with my gender and sex actually - and have lived in confusion and shame -and guilt and self hatred - It's a lonely place I didn't know about forums until lately -- It's hard when thoughts and feelings are confusing I think it will help when other men respond to your post and they give there experience - I wouldn't say for you to go out and sleep with a guy yet - Take care of you - don't focus on being. A bad person whatever way your sexuality turns out know that many people are the same and have been through similar - And within time whatever way it goes you will come to Be ok with it
Expériences ? No i used to admire a gay guy when I was 14 but it was definitely not love I wanted to be as cool as him.. But I never felt anything else.. I feel so bad.. 3 month ago I knew who I was and now it's like maybe it was all a lie.. I am even scared to Fantasies.. I am so scared of becoming gay.. I used to like girl SO MUCH ! I could have died for some of my exs.. It was not a lie.. It was real arousal and real love.. ---------- Post added 31st Oct 2015 at 11:31 AM ---------- I still never felt attraction irl but perfectly sculpted guys just turns me on so bad since two days..
Nobody to help me ? I seriously feel like dying inside .. And my girlfriend ? Why the hell am I becoming something I never was???!!
To start, it doesn't sound to me like you're "losing" your attraction to women - from everything you've said, you are still attracted to women and enjoy the thought of sex with women, so that hasn't really gone anywhere. That said, losing the idea of yourself as straight can be hard, and you deserve to give yourself time to get used to that idea. But it also doesn't mean you have to do anything about it - in fact, it seems like you're so upset that you'd probably have a difficult time enjoying anything you did with a guy even if you did try it. Have you talked to your girlfriend, or anybody, about your thoughts and feelings lately? If you haven't, and you know anybody that you feel like you could trust with this information, it might be a good idea to open up a bit. Posting here on EC is a good start, and you should keep that up! But the more you can tell people what you're thinking the better, and the less lonely it will feel. And the less lonely it is, the less panicked it's likely to be, as well. Give yourself a safe space - mentally and socially - to think about and process these ideas. There's nothing wrong with being attracted to men, just like there's nothing wrong with being attracted to women. You just need to take some time to fold this into your sense of yourself - and in time you will. A month from now, a year from now, this will get progressively less and less strange. Just give yourself that space.
I'm starting to lose my mind.. I find it difficulte to be excited by girls now.. But I feel really horny and I managed to masturbate 2 or 3 times on gay porn . What is wrong with me ? I used to fancy girls and be disgust by the idea of me having same sex and now I'm like a 14 teenager with gay porn and like 60yo man with straight porn.. I hate myself so much.. I just want to like both equally or even better girls more not guys.. Why is it happening to me ? I was perfectly fine being straight .. ---------- Post added 1st Nov 2015 at 09:52 AM ---------- Je vines de m'allonger dans mon lit en me disant "merde tu t'es masturbé plusieurs fois sur des hommes et si t'étais gay" je me suis imaginé un homme dans mon lit moi le caressant et c'est peut être le stress/la peur/la non acceptation de moi même mais j'ai vomis en me disant que c'est tellement plus évident Quand c'est une fille a mes côtés.. Je vie vraiment mal mon acceptation de moi même je crois .. ---------- Post added 1st Nov 2015 at 09:58 AM ---------- Sorry I'm French and it was a reflex ^^" I was saying that I was in my bed thinking that I masturbated over gay porn and that I might be gay so I imagined that in real life and maybe it was fear mixed up with stress and shame but I puked thinking that it felt was more "right" when it is with a girl . I don't understand were this muscular guy desire come from and I think I have real troubles with self acceptance ..
Hey man, Just want to offer support. I would suggest quit the masturbation and fantasizing so much because that just adds stress. Take some deep breaths and learn to forgive yourself for having these urges. I also agree that your attraction to girls probably won't go away, you're just discovering a new attraction to guys. One you can act on or one you don't need to at any time in the near future so you don't have to feel pressure to give up what you care about. If you know someone you can talk to about this that would be a good idea too, but searching around on the Internet looking for answers wouldn't be my advice of where to go. Also, know that many people around you may be going through the same struggles you are and you are not alone. Best of luck!
