I came out as lesbian to a few people, but now I've developed feelings for a guy and I really don't understand this. I still don't like the idea of straight sex (whereas I feel sexually attracted to girls) but I'm trying to figure out if I would be able to start a relationship with this guy and accept to have sex with him anyway. Does this make me homoflexible? Plus, we have history and I promised to his friend that I wouldn't lead him on anymore, so now I don't know what to do. Is there anyone here who experienced the same thing? Is it possible to be in a relationship ad have sex even though you're not that attracted to the idea of it?
Hi there! Thought I'd post because I've been in a pretty similar position to you. I came out as a lesbian a few years back. However, about two years ago I started developing romantic feelings towards this guy. I wasn't too concerned about this, because I've always known that i'm capable of emotional attachment to anyone, regardless of gender- it's just the physical side of things where guys don't appeal to me. But the thing was, I liked this guy so much, and I so desperately wanted things to work out between us. So I thought, maybe I would try the sexual side of things. It's not like the idea repulsed me or anything, it was just that it didn't appeal to me nearly as much as the idea of being with a girl. So I launched myself into this relationship, decided I could basically settle with the fact he wasn't a girl, because I didn't mind the physical stuff too much. But something was always missing. I was never completely satisfied but I just tried to stop thinking about it because I wanted our relationship to work. And I regret this so much. It wasn't really fair to either of us, and it's one of the main reasons our relationship could just never really work out- because part of me was always wishing I was with a girl. Our relationship crashed and burned because I was so discontent, and now we aren't even friends. My point is that I would proceed with caution here. You like this guy, you don't want to hurt him. If you are unsure you could ever be completely satisfied with a boyfriend, getting into a relationship with him would probably be unfair. Of course, your situation could be completely different to mine- perhaps you'll discover you have a genuine attraction to men. But you have to be completely honest with yourself. I basically convinced myself my physical attraction was real, when it was nehligble, purely because I was so emotionally drawn to him, and it woild have been convenient.
Thank you for your reply, I'm glad I'm not the only one who's been through this. I do care about this guy, and that's why I'm afraid of leading him on. On one side I feel I have to go with the flow and explore my feelings, in order to be entirely sure of what I am. On the other hand, I don't want to lead him on into something that might not work out. I care about him too much to hurt him like that. What would you suggest? And, also, what do you define yourself as? I'm struggling with finding a proper label for this.
