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Not sure if bisexual or gay

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Cineclaw, Nov 3, 2015.

  1. Cineclaw

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    Hello everybody and first let me thank you for taking the time to read me :slight_smile:
    Despite the fact that I consider myself gender-neutral, I am still a female (so you know that I talk about being attracted to girls in general when I talk about myself possibly being gay).
    I am going out with a boy and have been, by the past, going out with a girl. During all my teenager years, I've always felt bisexual, even though there were times when I felt more attracted to girls, sometimes boys (but that was less common).
    For the last few weeks, I've discovered I'm feeling less and less attracted by boys in general and even by my boyfriend. I'm thinking more and more about my relationship with my ex-girlfriend (I don't want to go out with her again, I just miss a relationship with a girl, I'd say). I really don't see myself growing old with a boy, I really don't find old men attractive at all. So I'm really confused and I don't want to break up with my boyfriend even though I've lately been really less attracted by him. I'm not sure if I'm gay or bisexual anymore... Do you have any idea?
     
  2. flowerss2015

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    I can kind of relate to you.
    I have always had a lacklustre sexuality. I do remember asking my mum if she could sometimes not stop staring at women's body parts, eg boobs. She said that sometimes, but it doesn't have to mean anything, so I brushed it off.
    Ever since i was attracted to boys personalities and faces, bodies meh, and was never really interested in a relationship, I saw it as more of a hassle, but I majorly crushed on some boys and really fancied them.
    I've been with my boyfriend for over a year now. I was instantly attracted to him the moment I saw him, he gave me butterflies, and I felt 'turned on' for the first time really when he kissed me. We're still together, and although sometimes I am very attracted to him, it comes and goes and most of the time I'm not interested in sex, but I enjoy the intimacy and sensations of it when it happens with him (I wouldn't be interested with a woman either.)
    I am attracted, maybe sexually or aesthetically, to women's bodies on social media exclusively. Not in real life, and lately this has been upsetting me. I feel my attraction, sexually, to my boyfriend going, and I can fantasise being with both men and women sexually, however, recently I've found myself being more attracted to female bodies, but only ever models or naked women online (I don't know if I'm attracted to women or the nakedness arouses me? It's so confusing). I have only ever been able to see myself with men and I love the emotional connection with men, so I just don't know and I don't want to break up with my boyfriend.
    Sorry I can't be more insightful into your issue, but it's similar in some ways to mine and I think sometimes it helps to know you're not alone and you're not weird. I just think, for both of us, we should pursue what we would find more fulfilling. If you love your boyfriend and believe that you would enjoy being with him more than a woman, stay with him. If not, and you believe you'd be happier with a woman, maybe at least talk to him about it, get his perspective, or try to branch out from him and experiment outside of a relationship.
    Good luck!
     
  3. Cineclaw

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    I understand what you say @flowerss2015, because it's the opposite for me! I'm only attracted by a particular aesthetic for men....
    "I don't know if I'm attracted to women or the nakedness arouses me? It's so confusing" > you're still aroused to women in some way!
    But from what I read, you COULD be bisexual but it sounds like you're heteroromantic anyway.
    Thank you for explaining your case, it helps me to see I'm not the only one being confused sometimes... Yeah I think I'm going to talk to him about it, because those last few days I really feel only attracted by women in real life.... I don't know how he'll react..

    Also I'm kind of scared of labelling myself as a lesbian and then realizing I'm in fact bisexual..... I'm so confused.
     
    #3 Cineclaw, Nov 4, 2015
    Last edited: Nov 4, 2015
  4. NotQuiteANerd97

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    There's a good chance that you're gay and are simply done figuring out your sexuality. And if that's what you decide you are, good for you. Even if you've dated guys, if you can't see yourself with one and you don't feel attracted to them, you're probably gay.