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What are denial symptoms

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Lostinmylife, Nov 4, 2015.

  1. Lostinmylife

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    Hello everybody ! I'd like to understand what does gay denial means !
    We were discussing it with some friends and had really divergent ideas regarding this topic !
    Some of my friends claims that gay denial is when you know that you are attracted to guys but tell yourself that it will disappear by itself or that it is gross you know what you are but you act like it you are straight so you manage to have a gf/be but you don't really love her/him or she/he doesn't really turns you on and you think of guys/girls while having sex until you finally come out of the closet

    But some of my friends claim that you are not even aware that you are gay , you fantasize on girls and have sex with them but one day you suddenly realize you are gay

    What do you think ?
     
    #1 Lostinmylife, Nov 4, 2015
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  2. Steve FS

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    Denial is knowing full-well that you are gay, but you're doing everything your power to suppress those urges.

    I find that people in denial tend to be the ones that are most offended when they're called "gay".

    I was in my sociology class in college, and I recall my professor mentioning an experiment that was done with a group of 100 straight men. They were shown pictures of several dozen homoerotic images while their pupil sizes were examined. As you may or may not know, pupil dilation is usually associated with feeling attracted to something or someone.

    At the end of the experiment, they asked each man what they thought about homosexuality in general. Could you guess what happened?

    The ones that were most against homosexuality were the ones that showed the most pupil dilation!

    Sorry if I got slightly off-topic, lol.
     
    #2 Steve FS, Nov 4, 2015
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  3. Minori

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    I feel it could be both. I didn't realize I was trans until recently. I had thoughts over a year ago, but brushed them aside and said it was just a phase or thoughts. Many people feel this way. It is by far normal for them to question it. It may take a while until you really figure out what you are. It took me around 20 years.

    That is indeed very true..
    In High School there were rumours about me that I had "male genitals" and I was blown out upset that people thought that. Now I just think, yeah.
     
    #3 Minori, Nov 4, 2015
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  4. Zen fix

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    It depends on the individual. Everybody has a different experience. I think it's even more complicated with bisexuals who can cruise along comfortably in single gender relationships.
     
  5. Lostinmylife

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    Yeah I agree I never had feeling for guys ever but recently I started to question my sexuality in the HARD way (depression Obsessive compulsive disorder ect) I tortures myself and got 5 erection over gay thoughts in 2 months but I feel like it changed me like I might be bisexual (my fear being to lose my heterosexuality because with all this shit girls doesn't arouse Le anymore but it is another problems) so I asked myself could I have been ignoring my bisexuality all my life (never felt aroused by guys until this fear came in still not aroused by guys irl but I feel aroused by muscular guys maybe because I'm a little bit chubby) and we talked about denial for me a denial is something you knew but never or secretly engaged in but some of my friend told me that I could have masked my homosexual side after my 14 years old (I questioned my sexuality because I was admiring a guy really bad (not love or sexually attracted to him but I wanted him to love me because he was really cool and I was this ugly nerd . But when I became self confident I stopped to chase his interest and stoped my researched (including gay porn) and I lived my happy straight life falling in love with girls and be aroused by them . So I was the center of the discussion ahah the thing is I never forgot this part of my life (some part like me so lost that I tried fingering myself thinking of girls and oral sex (perfect no sens ahah) so the denial so deep that I forgot all this doesn't really work . But I admit that I lived this period in a horrible way(people called me gay while I was trying to understand who I was and whil I was in love with a girl "he is hiding his gayness" ahah ! I nearly killed myself back in my 14 but I grew up and started to chase girls I knew I was straight and never asked myself until 3month ago ^^
     
    #5 Lostinmylife, Nov 4, 2015
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  6. Xanesa21

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    Okay look, i was exploring this whole denial thing for 3 months, really really deep. Cause this was something what was (and still a bit do) bothering me a lot.

    First of all denial is when you're know deep down that you're gay, but you will try to unnotice this. For example :
    Guy in denial - he is watching gay porn, he even have sex with other guys but - he will tell yourself that he isn't gay and it was just curiosity or something else. Married man (i was talking to him couple days ago) who was always gay, was cheating on his wife with some guys but he told himself that he can't be gay - he have wife after all right?

    So more or less this is denial.

    But...
    I was exploring this whole "suddenly turn gay" or "late age coming outs".
    I notice 3 possibilities.
    First is denial. Second is repression. They can go together or no.
    Repression is more less as you said that this person can be not aware of that he is gay. He can be attracted to girls cause repression is something unconcious. But i read that repression is always connected with anger, fear, mental disorders and stuff, cause repression is not really healthy.

    So what about guy who has nice and happy life with his girlfriend/wife? Who never had any problems with himself and then just realize that he is gay?
    In my opinion he didn't explore his gay side yet. I mean - most of us born as straight. Well they think they are cause this is what society want. It's not denial or repression, it's just that you never think about that you might be gay, cause there was nothing what "pull the trigger" and you go live your straight life cause you're just directed (by your parents and society) to be straight.

    I'm not sure about this last option, i'm still trying to figure it out cause this is still really confusing to me even with this explaination.

    And also there is one more possibility - that he was bisexual. He may be 90/10 when 10 = girls but if he ever had any real attraction toward womens he must be atleast bisexual.

    Im not an expert so sure i can be wrong about all, but this is what iv'e notice after lot of stories and explainations and stuff :slight_smile:
    Anyways i hope i help you with this one, Sorry for this wall and also really sorry for my english!
    See ya ^^
     
  7. Zen fix

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  8. faceup

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    I going to use me as example of denial.

    Around 13-15 I always have attraction for men but I thought was just a phase and soon will pass, but this not happen.
    I just dated one girl because when I was 22 I didn't like having sex with her and when I was at the beach I was checking guys and when someone called me gay I got very angry.
    Now that I accept my self I don't care about being called gay or even have to date or kiss someone just to cover up.
    I think denial is when you are aware that you are gay but you tell yourself you are not,like i did.
     
    #8 faceup, Nov 4, 2015
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  9. Miri

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    When I went through my denial phase, to be honest, all the evidence was there; I just kept telling myself I was a late bloomer, that eventually I'd come to see boys as being cute and that I'd want to have sex with them, that the whole constantly fantasizing about girls thing was just a weird kink and my various female crushes were just hero worship, not romantic interest. Because, you know, I was only eleven/twelve/thirteen/fourteen/fifteen/sixteen and I still had time, right? Having been a card-carrying tomboy and getting crushes on exclusively girls as a little kid probably didn't mean anything either. Nor did focusing on the feminine aspects of boys I found even remotely attractive. -.-;

    But yeah, anyway, that's how it went for me. The evidence was all there, but it took me a long time to say, "Hey, wow, I must be gay," particularly because I was actively trying to convince myself I was straight and normal, especially with homophobic parents. Taking some time with the realization is normal, to some degree, of course; realizing you're gay is a bit like realizing you need glasses, and since everyone just assumes their vision is normal (since most people's vision is) it can take a while for that thought to really occur to you. On the other hand, I wouldn't have been in denial, per se, if not for society and primarily parental pressure. It certainly wouldn't have been as painful. ^^;;

    I didn't get offended too much when/if people called me gay - partly because they didn't often do so - but when I was younger, I was occasionally pretty outspoken (read: I was a very rude child) about pointing out gay couples or denouncing gays in some capacity in conversation ("they're WEIRD, but hey, as long as one of them doesn't make out with me, that's okay..."). To the degree that I did call out gays, I think it was to some degree mirroring my father, who said the same things (which of course didn't make it any more justified for me to point out gays); however, I was also a lot more skittish on the topic, and quick to make it clear that I didn't advocate homosexuality, because, I think, I subconsciously felt I was/might be/could seem gay, and was guilty about that. So, it does support what others say about the most outspokenly homophobic people often being in denial themselves.

    In short, being in denial can come across outwardly as someone who's homophobic, but in reality they're saying those things in part (if not primarily) to quell their own doubts, fears and suspicions about their own sexuality. Of course, some homophobes are just plain homophobes. Ultimately the only person who'll know is the denier themself - and then they may be suppressing that knowledge, which is what it feels like to be in denial. If you constantly (and loudly) remind yourself and others of how straight you are, but all the evidence points over the rainbow and far away, then you, my friend, are possibly (definitely) deep in denial. :3
     
    #9 Miri, Nov 4, 2015
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  10. Lostinmylife

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    Thanks my friend this has been really informative !! :grin:
     
  11. Mihael

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    Repression is when you have no clue, don't even experience some of your own feelings. But they often appear in dreams then.

    I'm not sure what denial is, though. Maybe: girl stares at a friend's boobs and feels excited -> what the heck? looks somewhere else -> conclusion: This wasn't sexual attraction, because [insert anything like "my fentasies got me kinked" or "anyone would feel it, no matter what they're really attracted to"]. I'm straight!

    When you repress, you don't even notice being excited about certain things or dismiss it very quickly and don't remember later on. In the situation I described above may express disgust with the girl she was attracted too, and say she dresses/behaves inappropriately or something like that.

    That's all my experience.

    A person who feels denied attraction will also feel unpleasant and express it loudly when they see a gay couple of their own sex, or will be uncomfortable with people of their own sex, of whom they know are gay/bi.