Hi, I'm an 18 year old college girl who has always considered myself heterosexual/romantic. However, I never have had a crush on anyone and when guys try to peruse relationships with me, I feel really uncomfortable and avoid the relationship (has happened at least five times). My high school friends always told me I'm a friendzoner, but I was talking to college friends today (a gay man, lesbian woman, and ace woman) and my ace friend in particular suggested that maybe I'm not 100% straight? I honestly never thought about my own sexuality and didn't know there were so many ways to identify. After I mentioned that I have only ever felt comfortable with the idea of dating a friend, she suggested that I might be Demi-romantic? I don't even know how I feel sexually because I've always felt more so that I'm just not ready for sex, but I don't think I have ever felt sexually attracted to someone. I do masturbate though (by reading porn, never watched it). I honestly don't really know, today was my first time that I had such an open conversation about orientation. Maybe I am heterosexual/romantic and just have never met anyone I'm attracted to? Or I just have some comfort thing where I can only date people that I know already like me as a friend? I just thought it was worth asking because I'm starting to worry why I never have crushes/can reciprocate guys' feelings towards me...
Well first of all, there's nothing wrong with not reciprocating guys' feelings when they tell you they like you in some way. Neither you nor anyone else is under any obligation there. It might also be helpful to stick to the basics for the moment. Overall, the question of sexual orientation can be simpler than it's sometimes made out to be - all it really asks is what gender, or genders, you are attracted to. When you picture yourself with someone, do you imagine that person to be male? Or female? Trans/genderqueer? Or can you picture being comfortable with people of various genders? Beyond this, talking about things like romantic attraction, etc., which is all fine and good, doesn't necessarily help the central question of who you want to be with in the first place. If the answer is and has always been men, then that's totally fine, no reason to doubt that if you don't want to sleep with every male you meet. If, once the dating question comes up, you really only feel comfortable dating a man that you're friends with first, then that's fine too. That just tells you how to move forward in your dating life, should you so choose - look for friends instead of dates.
