Hi Guys, I posted a while ago about my confusion about being straight or bi, based on my experiences and lack of sexual attraction to women, I figured I'm straight or maybe heteroflexible. But everytime I hear or read about someone coming out of the closet while married, my heart starts pounding and I suddenly get a panic attack. Like I immediately think that's going to be in 10 years or something. Why do I keep getting anxiety about it, if I supposedly know what I am ? My anxiety makes me believe that my conclusions are wrong. I'm still not sexually attracted to women but I guess my brain tells me how do I know this for sure if I haven't tried i.... Problem is I'm married and currently pregnant. My husband is okay with me going to a bar and kissing another women, so I thought alright I'll do that after baby is born and I get my body back so I can know for sure. Problem,I literally had anxiety all night about it, nightmares, etc it was bad. I guess a part of me feels wrong about it, like I would be cheating on my husband. Also the whole going to bars and trying to pick up a chick doesn't sound fun. Not even when I was a boy crazed college student would I do that. Anything I feel I have to force myself to do ... I immediately want to rebel against. So what do I do ? I was trying to find solutions and answers to my questions but I can't seem to find one ... Help !!!
It sounds like you're dealing with a lot right now. Have you been diagnosed with anxiety? If you haven't, I would definitely consider going to a doctor. And yes it's a real thing. So here's my question for you what would being bisexual change about you're marriage? Most of those stories are about homosexuals who knew they were gay but tried to deny it. Also, if you're not attracted to girls without kissing them, you're not bi. Straight girls can experiment. And if you would feel better about it and your husbands ok, kiss a girl if you want. My personal opinion is that it won't change anything. Straight people can be curious. you're not lesbian and being bi won't change anything anyway. Hope this helped?
I agree with questions4ever. You don't seem like you're a lesbian. You might be bisexual. But at the same time you say you lack attraction toward women. At any rate you seem a little curious. That's okay. Very many are, including straight people. Kissing a girl might prove something or it might not. One thing you might want to think about is what all this means to you. I mean, it seems like it's something you think about a lot. Why is that? Again, I agree with the above poster in that you seem to have anxiety issues. Maybe talking to someone about that is a good idea. Also, if you have a way to calm down you can utilize that so as not to be overwhelmed by these feelings. Hope that helps. *hug*
Thanks for the replies. As you guys picked out, yes I do suffer from anxiety disorder and the obsessive thoughts. I am seeing somebody and I was taking medication for it before I got pregnant. Had to stop my medication after my pregnancy bc of the potential risk to my child. However this anxiety started way before I was pregnant, maybe 6 months before when a friend of mine came out of the closet. For some reason it made me think what if I'm gay, I don't why I suddenly took on his feelings. You are right, most likely nothing would change if I were bisexual rationally speaking but I guess my irrational brain goes into what if this means you have to leave your husband... I guess that's my biggest fear and why I have the anxiety. I thought I was bi way before this( based on the assumption that I do think girls are hot and if I were drunk enough maybe I would experiment ) and I told my husband about it like 7 years ago. It was a non issue, no anxiety, but my friend's issue just brought it up all the sudden in my head. Like I'm trying to see if kissing a girl would suddenly trigger my lesbian feelings, but i think it should be the opposite. I shouldn't be trying to awaken feelings I don't have. But thank you all for the advice and comments. It does bring some clarity.
Hi again Nora. I'm glad to hear you are already in contact with a professional and that you are minding your own emotional and mental wellbeing. *hug* I also have anxiety and I know it sucks. I used to get awful panic attacks related to gender dysphoria, and general anxiety, but now that I'm on meds I don't have that as much anymore. I want to share a video with you, and I'd be glad if you watch it. Here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m2zRA5zCA6M Working on managing your emotions with the guided help of a professional will likely bring you be more calm about things like this, and not form catastrophical assumptions such that you will have to end your relationship with your husband or anything.
"I'm still not sexually attracted to women" I'm not the authority on what comprises being bi or gay by any means -but- to me, this is the crux of something. I think the whole point of being into women is the sexual attraction (isn't it :/ ) maybe someone will come and correct me I don't know. But when I was so-called straight I had huge crushes on women and they were absolutely sexual fantasies not just people I admire. At the time, I was in denial and I would write this off using feminist theory that we are all being brainwashed to view women as sexual objects. But it wasn't the truth for me. The fact is I find women the women I'm attracted to extremely sexually arousing and it has come to pass I now find men zero / repulsive. It wasn't a choice I made, I had no choice in the matter, it's just the reality. I'm not sure why you feel determined to work at wanting to be bi / gay. I feel like it might be a symptom of some other unease or anxiety. Perhaps there's something in your background that is triggering this? Something that is trying to thwart your potentially 'ideal' life - I'm sure a lot of people might think having a loving husband and being pregnant is the perfect (albeit) straight life. Maybe you're petrified of the responsibility and settling down and 'being normal' and that life could be mundane, average, not exciting? I'm just speculating. But I do fear you might be trying to find a problem where there isn't one! I hope that's not upsetting to you?
Also: It is completely possible to live in a monogamous relationship and be married... and still be Bi. There is nothing saying that Bi folks can't be monogamous! My relationship is proof of that! I'm Bi/Pan, my husband knows, and it didn't really phase him. We have no pressing need to open our relationship since we're happy with each other. As long as you are with someone you love, it's not a big deal what you identify as. Be confident that if you truly are attracted to both women and men that you are Bisexual, and that is absolutely an ok thing!
Oh it does look like I'm trying to make myself gay as stupid as that sounds.Yes, I don't sexualize women, maybe while watching porn I do but I like all types of porn, gay porn, lesbian porn, group, etc. I just turned 30 so maybe I am having a mid life crisis, my unconscious is looking for something new and is manifesting itself through this. I might be trying to sabotage myself, I'm not sure why, I want to be happy. My past has definitely influenced my current state, and it wasn't a pretty past, but that's not a mystery to me. The problem for me is trying to distinguish my real feelings from my disorder. My fear is that I won't be able to know who I trully am because my disorder distorts everything. I do know I can be bi and be happily married. Right now I'm just catastrophyzing everything which gives me the anxiety. Thank you guys again for the comments and the YouTube link, it is calming down my over active brain. It's just sometimes i get so overwhelmed by my own head, I question why am I here, I feel like just want to end it all. They are brief moments but thankfully I always snap out of it.
