Am I really gay or just a bisexual with homoerotic feelings?

Hey, joined back in August when I really started questioning my sexuality. I meant to post a few threads here but ended up getting sucked into other sites, so I stayed away for a while. I was thinking I'm bisexual due to craving sex with men, I'm male myself and seek a... submissive role... but I still felt attracted to women. Then, because of my confusion in liking both the female body and wanting sex with men, I thought I might be pansexual because I started fantasising about sexual relations with transgender women, and I thought I had finally uncovered my true sexuality there. Nup.

Even since before I started questioning my sexuality, my interest in men has been increasing while my interest in women seems to be on the decline. I still admire the female body and I still get urges of wanting to touch a women, though I feel a romantic relationship might be difficult. I can't quite explain, it just seems off and I don't think I'd be able to have sex with women, I don't have straight urges. When I think about being with men, it feels a lot more secure, I feel I can relate to men, feel as though I can be myself around men more. I always feel I have to put on an act for women but with men I like, I can relate to. As for sex, it seems a lot more compatible and I've even grown an obsession for the male sexual organ... However, I'm only attracted to effeminate guys around my age, though I have no doubt I'd be a bit flexible, while my attraction to women seems so much more diverse.

I don't know what it is, I want to be with a guy, around my age, who I can build a relationship with, touch physically with our bodies, become really, really close. Yet my taste for men is really picky but I still find women attractive, I even have a unique likeness towards women who I feel I might have a crush on which doesn't really make sense coming from a supposed gay guy. These feelings are on and off though, my gay urges are much more prominent, 24/7. I was always straight though when I was younger, always had female crushes, so could it maybe just be remnants of those feelings? I feel as if I've jumped into my new sexuality pretty fast, only properly defining myself as gay a few days ago but I've suspected it for months.

I should stay away from labels but they help me understand myself with definitions I'm aware of, that's probably why I played around with bisexuality and pansexuality before settling with gay. My attraction to trans women seems short lived and sex with men dominates my fantasies and dominated my mind as to who I can spend the rest of my life with. I just need help defining myself and for someone to point me in the right direction.

Also had gender issues if that's important too but they seem to have become buried since my interest in men has grown. I'm still in the closet as well, feel too confused to come out. Gender roles are a HUGE obstacle for me I feel and I need to stop generalising.

 

Yeh, I agree with you on being mostly gay. The Kinsey scale agrees as well, must've taken that thing about 100 times now. Never heard of the Red-Blue, or Purple-Red, scale until now. Seem to be an E7, sex would have to be a major part of the relationship but not the only major part and while I'd rather have sex with men, I do have a slight attraction to women but it seems purely aesthetic.

---------- Post added 12th Nov 2015 at 01:48 AM ----------

Thanks! I think I'm gay but the issue for me is what do I come out as? I don't want to come out as gay, then suddenly decide I want to go out with a woman. People wouldn't really approve of that. Though, in my case, it's the issue of coming out as bisexual or pansexual when in reality, I'm only interested in forming a relationship with another guy.

 

Oh yeh, forgot to add this. I lean towards a 5 on the Kinsey Scale. Silly me!

 

This is exactly how I'm confused! I can't really define between sexual, physical and romantic attraction, though I know what they mean. It's just that I have no idea which or a combination of which determines my sexuality. I'd like to think I could have a successful relationship with a female, in terms of companionship anyway and sex if I can manage, but I know I'll struggle. My heart tells me I'm in love with certain people, sometimes guys or girls, but then I get mixed signs! It's so frustrating. I only, as of this moment anyway, want to have sex with guys. I'm physically attracted to women, I love the female body, but I have no clue if I'd actually be able to have sex with them. I think I'd lose interest quickly, even with a dominant female.

---------- Post added 15th Nov 2015 at 12:42 AM ----------

Oh, I know for sure nobody fits a definite label. I know that all too well from firsthand experience. If you were to ask me or assess me in a quiz, you'd find I'm probably gay, and I'm more than happy to call myself that because I am gay, but it's inaccurate when you take into account my feelings and physical attraction for some females. I'm more picky when it comes to guys but I have a greater, much greater, interest in having sex with them and building a romantic relationship with. I feel I'd be able to click with other guys more easily, even though I sometimes want to be with a girl. My female crushes are on and off but my gay urges for sex are constant, specifically my urge to receive anal sex. I think about other guys quite a lot now too and check them out almost as much as I do women, the cute ones anyway. I think I'm gay, the signs are there and it does feel and sound right, but I'm obviously not exclusively gay. That's what's sort of bothering me since I don't know my definite position. My interest in men and women tend to shift a bit everyday, though, as I've said, my interest in contact with men is much higher.