Hi, as the title says I'm a 20 yr old, male, that's curious. I was raised in a Christian family that heavily frowned upon being gay, bi. Then when I was around 10 I started to "experiment" first with males around my age then to females around 11. I always thought that the time with the boys was "wrong/dirty/sinful/disgusting" because that is what was drilled into my head when my mom caught me with one. Anyway I repress all feelings and desires for awhile until I turned 17. By then I'd met someone that helped me open my eyes a little, but everything that was drilled into me kept causing me to feel "wrong and dirty". Now I'm 20 and I find myself looking at more and more at guys but I still like females. I don't know what it's even like to be with a guy. Recent events have made me open my eyes more but also confused me more than ever too. Idk what I even feel anymore. There's a girl I have feelings for but she's with someone else but I also wonder what it's like to be with a guy. Idek anything about being with another guy.
How would I even go about finding out if I could even do that? Just thinking about it gives me a headache. Idk what to think or feel anymore. One second I say I would be ok with it next second I don't. Any advice? I'm not Christian anymore and haven't been fur years, I'm a spiritual Satanist if that affects anything. I hope I didn't/don't offend anyone, if so I'm truly sorry, that was not my intention. Any advice or words of wisdom for me? Idk what to really ask. Thanks Des
I'd say it's good that you're exploring! If it helps any, when you get curious, checking out other guys can feel a little forced. But if you really were repressing feeling like you mentioned, those feelings may fade with time. I haven't had any dating experience either way, but I imagine having a relationship with another man isn't any different than one with a woman. Sure, you're bound to get more looks with a guy, but that's because it's not "normal" to see, depending where you are. However, there's still a lot of things I don't know about this, and nobody should feel obligated to learn everything right away. The initial confusion will pass, though, and if you give yourself the time, you can find a way to easily sort your thoughts and feelings. Hope some of this helped, and I wish you luck figuring things out for yourself.
