I'm so confused

I think a similar thread you made a while ago was deleted by the data loss, but the answer I typed up for it before posting it I have saved somewhere, which I sometimes do with longer replies. I found it again and I'll repost what I said there, with a few minor edits; just some advice on figuring out your sexuality. I must add though, if you don't want to actually have sex with males you could explore your feelings towards dating them a bit more, and whether you genuinely want to be with them romantically or if you think you can be in a relationship with them and can just get by with it, if it comes to that situation. I can't say for sure if you're gay or bi, you really might be either. But here, I'll repost what I said last time with some advice on how you could explore your orientation:

(Put under spoiler tags so it doesn't take up a huge chunk of space)

Spoiler

It's okay to take your time and explore it all^^ You could be bisexual with a preference, or preferences that aren't as fixed over time, but you could also very well be gay. It's up to you to explore and realize, and that's okay. It seems that you're already in a pretty good and open state of mind, and if you're okay with taking your time and not adding pressure or anxiety to yourself, I think it's pretty healthy to explore your emotions and what you want, and see how things go.

There are a lot of ways you can do this, besides of course dating and actually sleeping with other people- an option that isn't always open and available to everyone though. If you can't or don't want to do either of that, it's fine. I'm sure you've heard it all before, but I'll give some general tips.

Thinking about your past is one option. It's not one I personally like too much because the past can be unreliable and we might not remember things too accurately, but if you think it might be useful, you can think about and explore some of hte attractions and feelings you had in the past. An important thing to remember is that sometimes in the past other factors, such as context/denial/other things might play a part, so take what you remember with a grain of salt. Just my personal bit of advice and how I would do it.

Thinking about your future is one I prefer a lot more. Since in the past, like I mentioned already, a lot of factors- at least for me- such as repression/denial/varying circumstances, affected attractions and emotions, looking forward from where I am now tends to be more useful from a personal point of view- and exciting too. Ask yourself who you desire to be with romantically and sexually, and who you'd be happy being in a long term, stable relationship with. Who you'd marry, who you would be happy paying the taxes and fixing the fences with, so to speak. Sometimes removing yourself from the practical consequences of sexuality- such as how parents or friends would react, or possible worries about marriage and dating- can be useful as well. In an environment where relationships with anyone is encourage and normalized, and you would face no repercussions for any attractions or dating or sleeping with any gender, who would you want to be with? Men, women, and/or any other genders? Feel free to daydream, fantasize, anything that floats your boat.

Media can often be useful too. Not only to look at crushes or attractive people, but to see relationships portrayed on television, movies, or in books, and seeing which you connect to and which relationships you can see yourself being in or wanting to be in. Media played a good part in me realizing a lot of things about my sexuality- and although celebrity crushes or infatuations with fictional characters aren't always terribly realistic, they can be a good indicator- and hey- when I have a crush on a charming good looking person on TV, I'm not complaining. Another route is exposing yourself to celebrities or characters of varying sexualities and backgrounds, and seeing their experiences, their life, and how you might relate or what you want. I know that in the past when I was still figuring out how I felt towards women, I saw a celebrity who was in a long term relationship with her girlfriend she was quite open about (well I wasn't questioning my gender at the time, but my point still stands)- and I knew that was something I would definitely want if I had the chance.

Building on that, reading stories about people who've discovered or figured out their sexuality- whatever it may be- in different ways can be useful. On EC, on other websites, in books, all the stories can be vastly different. All experiences relating to sexuality is different, but you can find something that might "click" or something you relate to, and through learning more about other people's experiences, perhaps your own will become more clear to you too.

Other than that, just giving it time and seeing how you feel towards people in your life- who you have feelings for, who you are attracted to, and who you are interested in romantically and sexually, can give very strong clues. Seeing who you are attracted to and desire in your day to day life varies from the above because it is based more or less in reality. Fantasies, celebrity crushes, and your imagination for your future can prove to be very useful, but as with a lot of things not everything is 100% reliable all the time- seeing how your real life correlates with all the insight from above can give a pretty good picture as time goes on.

And of course, if it is getting stressful or confusing, take a break. Giving yourself breathing room and "time off" of thinking about one thing repeatedly over a long period of time is healthy, and can help give a clearer picture once you return to it. My mind figured out just as many things about myself when I was not actively trying to figure myself out than when I was.

Good luck, hope this helps in some way.

 

This actually helped me too Alder, thank you

And LittleRaven, I settled on bisexuality too now for a while, but I'm questioning if I might be more gay again. I also like the thought of dating guys, and like how they look in appearances very much, but over the time I've spent away for a bit on EC I keep craving a relationship with a girl, despite my attractions to guys. I'm just wondering if the attraction for guys more will come back again, or if my sexuality is 'settling' more on the other end of the spectrum as I've come to accept my same gender attractions more (and have crushed on a heap of girls, but never really guys to the point that I would want to date them apart from one).

Well... the thought of 'dating' is nice, but not the intimate expectations tied to it I guess ><

Anyway, you're not alone

 

Hey littleraven,
I'm in a very similar situation. I'm sure of my attraction to girls at any level, and probably I'm also emotionally attracted to guys, but sexually, not so much. However, I just started dating a guy because I have genuine feelings toward him and, although I'm not particularly attracted to him sexually, I decided to give it a go and see if it there's a chance for it to work anyway. In any case, I'm much more physically and sexually attracted to girls, so if I'm bi, I'm totally toward the gay spectrum. Right now, I like to call myself homoflexible.

 

Yes, sexuality is fluid, so it changes. I think I'm a Kinsey 5 so I say I'm homoflexible, but you can also say you're bi with a preference for girls.