Hi, I posted here a little while back but didnt get much of a response (probably because it was in the wrong subforum) so I'm gonna try again- Im really,really really confused about my sexuality. I cant stop thinking about women, every day. I strongly identify with lesbians in things like movies, tv shows etc and get really happy when I watch lesbian romancey stuff. When I was a little kid my mom used to tease me about growing up and liking boys and I used to pray to god that I would never develop those feelings for boys (dont know if this is just normal little kid stuff or an early sign). I have had a boyfriend for the last few years who loves me completely for who I am and I love him because he is such a beautiful kind person who would do anything for me. We have been in a long distance relationship this past year and I've found the feelings for women have become very strong now I've had time to myself. I have mostly male friends and we talk about hot chicks all the time, I thought I was just joking around with them but yeah.. A really big indicator for me is I get ridiculously shy around pretty girls, never boys. I feel at least 75% homoromantic. One of my friends does burlesquey style acts sometimes and last time I went to one she was right in front of me half naked and I couldn't look at her and it was really uncomfortable and so embarrassing. I even had a dream that I had a girlfriend and it was so realistic and I enjoyed it and didnt want to wake up... Though having said that I find some boys a bit cute and I dont hate sex. To me sex is like masturbating I have to cum quickly and get it over with and sometimes after I feel a bit sick. Last time I nearly puked because even tho I climaxed found it quite gross, I have had sex with a woman before as I had a girlfriend for about 6 months or so a long time ago and I cant remember much but I remember really liking it and loving her (I was only 18). So yes, am I straight or bi because I can climax from having sex and I love someone for how beautiful they are? I never ever saw myself getting married or having kids before but my bf is so sweet and drama free I thought if its possible it would be possible with him, but I feel sick from suppressing these gay urges. Also I was raised by ultra conservative christians so sometimes there is a thought in the back of my head that if i break up with him and go out with a girl my whole life will turn to shit and drama when I could have a very comfortable life with him and I know he would never leave me. Why ruin a good thing for someone else of the same sex that probably doesnt even exist? I dont have any one in my life that really takes care of me or is nice to me so its hard to think of letting that go. He is my best friend. Is there anything you can suggest that would help me figure this out? Its kind of catharthic at least to post about it
Well I think we both know you're not straight. As for bi or lesbian, that's up to you. What do you feel like you are?
Totally messed up, maybe lesbian because i think if i were bi Id be happy with my bf, and its not like I want to hook up with other dudes.
haha G'day! wasnt sure if there'd be any Aussies on here.. Well I hope so because I honestly dont have anyone to discuss this with, I've tried but atm I only know hetero people who dont really have any insight...
Lol there are a few of us Have a good read around the site. It's amazing how much becomes clearer when you are reading other's experiences. When I came here, I identified as bi. I'm now certain I'm lesbian lol.
You mention masturbation, the question is what kind of porn and who do you look at. This is really what helped me relise as I was watching gay porn I know kinda obvious but I hadn't really thaught about it
Well, lesbian porn is made for straight men. so I watch straight sometimes and definitely look at the girls but im not really into any porn its pretty gross and silly, and I know its fake. Like I watched that Blue is The warmest Colour movie, couldnt watch the whole 7 minute sex scene because I read that the straight actresses were pushed really hard and felt like porn stars filming that scene..however if there is a lesbian scene that is done realistically I can get more excited over seeing 2 girls hold hands (wow thank f* uck for the anonymity of the internet amirite) I also already did a google on that area, and i found responses from gay guys that said they like straight porn, lesbians that like watching gay guy porn and straight women that like lesbian porn, but they arent interested in being involved in that stuff in reality...so that was even more confusing
