So I have come to terms today that there is a high chance that I may be gay and that I need to test the waters. I am just confused because my only fantasies are about penises and bottoming but they are always of nondescript people. Also I can masturbate, because I have a form of masturbation with my penis thats different than the traditional one (can do the other), to nothing. I can think about nothing and get hard and ejaculate. I never notice men in real life nor have I ever crushed on them, I am 18. I am relatively inexperienced, and my few experiences are with woman. I have only made out, been intimate, and fingered and ate out a woman. Even standing next to the girl I'm crushing on right now I begin to have an erection. I think I have enjoyed those experiences. I have yet to get a bj since freshman year of high school and sex. But I can't fantasize about woman although I have had a few sex dreams about them. I want to experiment with men but I fear about not getting hard and not enjoying it because they are my only fantasies, which come few, although I jack off with porn a lot. I also blank when thinking about sex with woman, I think this will be good but I just don't know. I fear that I'll like it and mistake it for actually liking it and end up blowing up a relationship down the road. But I don't know if I'll like sex with men since I fantasize about bottoming but the one time I tried anal play I hated it. I also can't emotionally connect to men although I'm open for a crush to come. What am I, what do I do? How do I calm down?