So I've been questioning my sexuality for quite some time, although I'm pretty sure I'm definitely not straight. When I thought I was straight, I felt so different and confused when all my girl friends had crushes. I didn't really have any crushes except maybe a tiny sort of crush on a girl in 6th grade. When I figured out I wasn't straight, I thought this would go away, that I'd be able to feel the way everyone else does and finally get to experience this. But I can't. There was a time I flirted with guys a lot and got all excited when they gave me attention, but I think that's the only thing I liked about it because as soon as they'd like me I got scared and turned them down because I realize that's not what I wanted at all. I even have a friend who I'm attracted to sexually (which I've never felt for another person. i.e. I get really turned on when she touches me and fantasize about her and we flirt a lot) and am super great friends with. She even likes me as more than friends and I really want to be able to love her back but I can't. I don't know what's wrong with me. It's like I can't even picture myself in a loving relationship with another person. I tell myself it's because I'm not mature enough yet or I haven't found someone I really click with, but suddenly I feel like that's just not it. What if I'm incapable of selfless romantic love for another person and I'll always be that way. That terrifies me so much and I hope it's not true but I just can't shake that fear now. Could it be I have emotional issues that prevent me from giving selfless love to people? What about being aromantic? Has anyone ever felt like this in the past and eventually changed? Any advice? Thanks.:icon_sad:
I'm sure you're capable of love. You may think your friend is super special and maybe even sexually attractive but she maybe just doesn't have that little something extra. I think when you fall in love it will be a surprise. A lovely surprise but a surprise nonetheless. Don't worry, you'll be able to when you meet the right person.
Im in my late 20s and I too thought I was incapable of love. Until I met the one person who turned my world upside down and showed me just how capable I am. There isnt a timeframe on when these things happen for people, but just because it hasnt happened yet, doesnt mean it wont ever. I put this quote on my fridge a few years back in hopes that someday it would ring true, and it has. I hope it does for you too: Someday, someone will walk into your life and make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else.
I just feel really bad. I've been really confused about my relationship with this friend and I feel horrible that I can't give her back everything she gives to me, even though I really want to. I don't feel worthy of it and I feel bad like maybe I rushed into things before I really understood how I was feeling. And she's so wonderful and amazing I just hate that I can't love her back as much as she loves me. I care about her a lot and the relationship I have with her is more meaningful than anything I've had before. I'm able to be so honest with her and it's like certain parts of me are really ready for more with her and all of this but then there are other parts of me that aren't caught up yet and I hate it because I feel so selfish and she's done so much for me. I know I can't make myself be ready for something I'm just not ready for yet, but still I just feel really bad. I'm gunna talk to her about it but I'm just scared to because I don't want to hurt her, and I still care about her a lot so I don't know how to explain it to her. I don't even know what I'm feeling:/
Don't stress it too much I know that feeling very much, it either you don't feel worthy, or its because of social standards I don't really know how to put it but if she cares about you this much you must be worthy! You must be meaningful! Please don't hate yourself just because you can't love her back as much. I hate myself because i'm confused but I still can easily erase that with the fact i know somebody cares about me. So as long as you know she cares about you that's all you need to think about. I hope i said that right. So cheer up see hope you feel better soon :icon_wink hugs!(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)
Maybe you could just be scared of a relationship and want and excuse to make up for your fear. But then again I don't know I just thought that sounded right in my head but it may not on here sorry.
I kind of understand where your coming from, and I sometimes think the same of me! I know I am an emotional person, but I've always had a battle with control, and not taking emotional risks. all my life I've been a people pleaser, and had quite a controlling upbringing, to the extent where I kind of made a pact with myself never to let anyone control me again! The result is that I've become very independent, and In many ways selfish (but not in bad ways) I'm not sure I want to give selfless love... my subconscious is always saying 'what are you getting out of this'....'If your not...don't do it' because never again do I want to feel trapped. I spend my life avoiding bad emotions.... my own and others... to the extent that love just doesn't seem worth it ... the good points don't seem to outweigh the good. so maybe what I'm trying to get at is..... you could explore whether you have control,commitment,intimacy issues...
Dear bubbles: I totally think it could be because you are one of those people that stay with one person all its life, but maybe you are AROMATIC. There's nothing wrong with it at all! It's just not feeling romantic attraction. Obviously that doesn't mean you can't LOVE, but you don't feel quite comfortable with expressing your love in that way. It can be, for example, expressed with friendship. Just saying! You can be a Pansexual Aromantic or something between this lines. Remember sexual and romantic attraction are different things. I have an Aromantic friend and I have to say he's the best friend ever!
