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Can I define my sexuality without sex?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Soundofmusic, Nov 20, 2015.

  1. Soundofmusic

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    So Ive had sex with men and I dont find it all that exciting. Its more like a chore. I havent had a serious boyfriend or been in love with a man but Ive dated guys I have really really liked. I find a very specific type of man attractive but more in a "cute" than sexy way. And if a guy has the right personality Im drawn to him.

    I havent had sex with a woman but I recently fell in love with one for the first time and I know Im sexually attracted to women. I find women way sexier than men - and Im attracted to a wide variety of women both phisically and emotionally. When Im out, I check out women more than men.

    When I see myself in the future, I see myself with a woman more than with a man. However, since Ive never had sex with a woman, sometimes I wonder if I can really define myself before that.

    So my question is, can I say Im a lesbian or bi even if I havent had sex with a woman?
     
  2. XenaxGabby

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    Of course you can! If everyone waited until they had sex we would all be labelled as nothing. Sexual orientation isn't just about sex. It's about who you are attracted to sexually and romantically, who you want to have sex with, whenever that may be.

    It sounds like you are bisexual leaning more towards women but there's no need to rush a label. Just enjoy being with someone whom you like. Eventually you will figure out how you identify.
     
    #2 XenaxGabby, Nov 20, 2015
    Last edited: Nov 20, 2015
  3. Really

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    Certainly. Think of the straight people who purposely wait to have sex until they're a certain age or married or whatever. They don't wonder that whole time if they're straight just because they're not doing it.

    Unfortunately, this whole discovering our sexuality involves a whole lot of thinking and over-thinking. If we could manage to just let our bodies and hearts guide us, we might be better off in this matter.
     
  4. Soundofmusic

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    Never thought of it that way but that makes a lot of sense!!
     
  5. Neon

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    I agree with the other two posters. YOU CAN, define your sexuality without having sex. I never had to define my sexuality to know I was attracted to females.
    Plus if the sexual part in a relationship isn't you or for you, then you might be a bisexual asexual.

    Though like XenaxGabby said, don't rush it just be with whoever makes you happy.
     
  6. Soundofmusic

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    The thing is im pretty sure I would be into sex wtih a woman. But the whole p in v freaks me out and is not pleasurable for me. :icon_sad:
     
  7. Really

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    There you go. I think you may have answered your own question. :thumbsup:
     
  8. driedroses

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    I agree with Really. And you absolutely can define your sexuality without sex. I've identified as bisexual for 20+ years and am only now even dating a woman. But if PIV sex freaks you out and you find the thought not pleasurable, I'm thinking you've found your answer for sure.