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Do you believe in bisexuality?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by cxx16, Nov 23, 2015.

  1. cxx16

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    I'm new to all these sexuality stuff because I started questioning this year.
    Before this, I always thought I was straight, even though I would always wonder if I could turn out to be homosexual, not because I was interested in girls or anything, I just knew that people can find out later in life.
    So, I think I might be bicurious or maybe bisexual but heteroromantic (is this a thing?), I don't know. I'm just really lost because my thoughts are constantly changing.
    I get anxious when I simply find a girl pretty or admire their bodies, which I've been told it doesn't necessarily mean anything, and I don't know if I get anxious because I think they are pretty and in my subconscious that could mean I'm anything but straight or if I get anxious because that actually means I'm anything but straight and can't accept it.
    And when I find a boy cute/hot I just go back to thinking that I don't know my sexuality yet and maybe I'm just fooling myself or forcing myself to find them hot, which is probably not even true. It's very complicated.
    Maybe I just want to experiment new things, even though I haven't experienced much of anything, and sometimes I even wonder if it could be hormones/just a phase???

    I am very, very confused and hope to find the answer soon.
     
    #1 cxx16, Nov 23, 2015
    Last edited: Nov 23, 2015
  2. Epitomeness

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    I personally am not too familiar with the sexuality stuff either because I hadn't accepted it until recently. I'm pansexual. I've heard this saying that all pansexuals are bisexual but not all bisexuals are pansexuals. I don't like keeping track of everything, it's good to be aware, but what I do is just go with it. I say just go with it. If questioning it makes you frustrated, don't question it, just accept it. Know what I mean? Like oh that's how I feel, okay. If you can't figure out what it means right then, then leave it for later and maybe it'll make sense the next day or the next week or the next month. That's just what I advise. Works for me...
     
  3. Distant Echo

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    First things first.
    Don't panic.
    You are who you are, and there is nothing wrong with whoever you discover yourself to be. The discovery can be fun, if you let it. Let yourself feel whatever you find yourself feeling, and learn from it. You don't have to be attracted to boys, society has taught you that you should be. But if you are, you are.
    If you are attracted to girls, yep, so you're attracted to girls.
    Just let yourself. Be you, and bugger what everyone else thinks you should be, do or act like.
     
  4. SMace

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    I am in a similar situation, and honestly there is a lot of pressure around labeling yourself that isn't necessary. I worked really hard to try to figure out, and I still am not positive. I wanted the security of knowing and being able to move on from there. So I would have to agree, take things as they go. By going onto this site you have already taken a step. If you feel the need to have an answer right now, maybe you should try dating, as long as all parties know what is going on. I wish you luck! :slight_smile:
     
  5. Damen386

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    As a bisexual who didnt really understand his sexuality until adolescence i can tell you that being bi is legit. I know its hard for people to get but I like women and am really stricken by their beauty (especially short girls with curvy figures) at the same time i love men, especially large, strong, men with muscles. I naturally assume a dominant sexual role when im with a women but then with a man i like to be submissive and let go of control. What youre feeling/describing is perfectly natural and you will come to accept yourself and come to terms with your feelings. Our culture is very limiting when it comes to sexual identity but sexuality is not really black and white like straight or gay or even bi or trans.
     
  6. guitar

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    I 100% believe in bisexuality. Several of my closest girl friends are bi,as is one of my guy friends. For a period I thought I was bi, but that turned out not to be the case. Also, scientific studies have confirmed bisexuality.
     
  7. driedroses

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    I'm finding that I'm the opposite of you - that I appreciate being submissive with a man and am finding myself in a more dominant role with a woman. It's an interesting thing to learn about myself, because I've always been with men, so I always thought I was simply a (more) submissive personality. I'm enjoying taking the lead in my new relationship, however.

    Bisexuality is definitely a real thing. I can pinpoint thoughts from middle school about wanting to kiss girls, but I still really enjoy men as well. I'm glad to be at a point in my life where I'm able to experience dating a woman.

    If you can't find a label, don't worry about a label. Easier said than done, I know, but it's so much more important to find and pursue what makes you happy than to worry about what to call it. (*hug*)
     
  8. biAnnika

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    Do I believe in bisexuality?

    Lordy.

    No. Absolutely not. I am quite convinced that either my attraction to men or my attraction to women is completely fictional...purely in my head. But I can't figure out which. I've been with a female partner for 29 years, so that *feels* real. But on the other hand, I really miss sex with men to the point where it's becoming a major distraction in my life. So maybe I really don't enjoy sex with my partner and never have...it was all just a phase of experimentation, and I only *thought* the closeness and compatibility (not to mention the orgasms) were special and wonderful.

    But it just doesn't make sense to believe in bisexuality. Everything else in life is binary, right? It's either light or dark outside, right? They had black-and-white TV's, for Pete's sake, not "shades of grey" TV's. I'm either happy or sad. All foods, you either love or hate, right? People are either male or female; it's not like there are transgendered or intersexed individuals. So why should sexuality exist on a continuum? Why should who you love be the one single exception to the rule of Either/Or that otherwise pervades our universe?
     
  9. baddech

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    Bisexuality to non bisexuals is a complete mind fuck.

    I was in a fwb with a guy I knew had a gf. It wasn't until later that I learned he had a wife and child that I was completely confused and mentally fucked up. I didn't think a guy with a wife and kids would be having gay sex

    I was fwb with a guy that turned into nearly a year long relationship of being together daily and him sleeping in my bed. One day he wakes up decides he wants a female moves away gets married and now has a child.

    So whether I agree with it or not BISEXUALITY does exist.

    I just feel more sympathy for the wives and children of bisexuals who are given a pack of lies and deciet. Also I feel for the gays who fall for bisexuals and learn they wasted a lot of time on someone only half interested. I don't feel sorry for the bisexual because they can be gay whatever is convienent.
     
  10. baddech

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    Bisexuality to non bisexuals is a complete mind fuck.

    I was in a fwb with a guy I knew had a gf. It wasn't until later that I learned he had a wife and child that I was completely confused and mentally fucked up. I didn't think a guy with a wife and kids would be having gay sex

    I was fwb with a guy that turned into nearly a year long relationship of being together daily and him sleeping in my bed. One day he wakes up decides he wants a female moves away gets married and now has a child.

    So whether I agree with it or not BISEXUALITY does exist.

    I just feel more sympathy for the wives and children of bisexuals who are given a pack of lies and deceit. Also I feel for the gays who fall for bisexuals and learn they wasted a lot of energy on someone only half interested. I don't feel sorry for the bisexual because they can be whatever is convienent and they get the best of 2 worlds.
     
    #10 baddech, Dec 5, 2015
    Last edited: Dec 5, 2015
  11. QBear

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    I'm sorry that you've had bad experiences with guys that said they were bisexual.

    That said, you're being an asshole.
    Women partners of male bisexuals are not necessarily being lied to, nor do all bi men abandon their male partners. Many bi men are honest, upfront, and faithful to their partners, and some are closeted, lying cheating scumbags. Just like many gay men are wonderful, honest, and faithful to their boyfriends, and some are promiscuous, disease ridden, drug addicted sods.

    If your going to rage against bisexuals, just remember that everything bad about bisexual men you say was all said about closeted gay men in the 1950s.

    The problem isn't bisexuality. The problem is being closeted and the dishonesty that comes with it.

    And do you know what contributes to bisexual men being closeted? People who perpetuate negative stereotypes about bisexual men, that's who.

    So, rather than doing that, lets see how we can all learn to be good to our romantic partners and good allies to our glbtq brothers and sisters.

    Again, I'm sorry you had bad experiences with flakey, dishonest bi-guys. That's not cool.
     
    #11 QBear, Dec 6, 2015
    Last edited: Dec 6, 2015
  12. Invidia

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    Uh... Yeah. Bisexuality exists. I assure ya.
     
  13. SHACH

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    Yeah, it exists. Tbh I find it more of a mindfuck that some people are unable to feel this way about half of the population of the world. When I think about it that way, I feel pretty happy.

    To the OP, I've decided on the label bisexual very recently, but I'm still i those wobbly early stages too I think. It can be really confusing when I obsess over girls for ages to the point where I almost convince myself I'm gay and then I'm suddenly getting attracted to guys again and I don't know where I stand for a second. But though one gender is often on the top of my mind, the attraction for either doesn't go away, so I know I am bisexual. (And tbh, I'm at a girls school, so I don't ecounter as many guys to be obsessing over anyway haha)

    Oh and the whole bisexual, heteroromantic thing... I would say just wait on it. Like, when I was first pondering my attraction to girls earlier this yeah I was like "wow, I guess I can be attracted to girls too..." but the idea of being part of a gay couple was a bit weird. But when you feel that, sometimes that is really more about the fact that you never invisioned your relationships being that way, and the fact that it deviates from the norm, rather than anything innate in you. The unwillingness to have a proper romantic relationship with another girl can be got over as you accept your sexuality. Tbh, now I've accepted everything, I feel like I get way more emotionally invested in a girl before obsessing over her beauty, whereas with guys I'm thinking about how hot he is way more than his personality in the beginning (I've breifly crushed on some right idiots), and right now I feel more into the idea of romantic relationships with girls.

    When I think about it that way I feel pretty lucky. And baddech, I don't really care if you "agree" with my sexuality. What a stupid thing to say.
     
  14. oliolioli

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    I think that a lot of people experience same-sex attraction, but avoid the label of bisexual. For example, I'm unsure of my sexual attraction to women, but I know that the romantic attraction is definitely there. That made me apprehensive about the label, and I'm sure it's the case for a number of other people.

    There's also the opposite situation, where people are sexually attracted to both genders. Drunken hook ups happen for a reason, other than just being completely plastered, in my opinion.
     
  15. ModernCat

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    Yes. Bisexuality is real, it's "LG'B'T" for a reason, mind you.
    Don't worry about whatever you turn out to be. I'm actually in the similar place as yours; sometimes I don't know what I want. I'm still confident that I'm bi of some sort.
    You'll get through this, live your life in the meantime.
     
  16. HunGuy

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    Very well said.
     
  17. Im Hazel

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    Nah, no bisexials don't exist. We are all just apparitions haunting them biphobes.
     
    #17 Im Hazel, Dec 6, 2015
    Last edited: Dec 6, 2015
  18. Pret Allez

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    Yes, sweetie.
     
  19. gravechild

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    What of gay men who self-identify as bisexuals, because it's easier for them to do so? Or gay men who cheat on their wives, husbands, girlfriends, and boyfriends?

    And I wouldn't say getting leftovers from two people would be the same as actually being able to enjoy a nice dinner with one or the other.

    I personally have a hard time wrapping my head around monosexuality, think most people aren't 100% anything, and have been socialized to fit into one box or another.
     
  20. biAnnika

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    Wow, what an asshole I am! My poor partner! For that matter, poor me (as she is also bisexual)!

    I am sorry for your pain...which may be genuine and may have been visited upon you unfairly...but you have some major misunderstandings about bisexuality.

    "whether I agree with it or not"?? You know, you sound exactly like my partner's homophobic father! My sexual attractions are not a position in an argument. You can't agree or disagree with them. His argument was that I had corrupted her, that she never would never be with a woman if I hadn't changed her...and that I would inevitably leave her for a man some day. I get so outraged by this implication...I have been monogamous with her for 29 years, damn it! Yes, I am also attracted to men. Yes, I am attracted to other women. Yes, it is increasingly distracting to only be actualizing one side of my sexuality, and yes I would like to figure out a way that we can be polyamorous and stay together.

    But that you *dare* to suggest that I am anything less than *fully* interested in her is just plain self-pitying ignorance. If I was only half-interested, why the hell would I put myself through this distress of denying myself sexual contact that feels like a need? Why?

    This "best of both worlds" shit has to go as well. I cannot just turn off one sexuality and pick up another when it's convenient. I don't choose who I'm attracted to any more than you do. I fall in love with and experience attraction to whomever I fall in love with or find attractive. In a world that values monogamy and demonizes polyamory (entirely hypocritically in my opinion, given the rates of divorce and cheating in our society), it is asinine to suggest that this somehow makes our lives easier.

    I don't require you're compassion if your wounds are so deep. But at least have the decency to not write such bigotry on a support forum...take some time to educate yourself first.

    As gravechild points out, there are plenty of gay men and women who marry straight people (for whatever combination of reasons) and then leave them after a period of time, because they need a same-sex relationship. But if I posted here that I had no sympathy for them, accusing them of wielding a pack of lies and deceit against their spouses and children, and how homosexuality to straight people is a complete mind-fuck...I would expect to get banned. I would also be dead-wrong and ignorant of the realities faced by gay people.