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Questioning

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by darlingmacaron8, Nov 24, 2015.

  1. Hello! I am 16 years old and I am from the United States. I am posting on here because I do not have any idea where to turn for answers. I would like to share my story so that I can maybe get some advice on what to do about finding who I am. For starters, I am being raised currently in a family that is not too keen on sexuality or the LGBTQ+ community in general. Ever since I was little, I had the idea of "gay is wrong, immoral, etc." drilled into my brain from the time I asked with curiosity when very young, "can't I marry a girl instead?".

    My problem is, I have had crushes on guys. As in I've thought their faces were cute. But the idea of being with a guy just turns me off. I have only ever been on one date with a guy, but every time I am with one in general there is just no emotional or physical chemistry and it it just extremely uncomfortable and awkward. Especially since the end of elementary and beginning of middle school, I have found myself getting crushes on girls or feminine people in general.

    Lately however, I find myself more and more drawn to females. I get crushes on them way easier and I have way more fantasies about them than guys. I tried to bring up the question of if there was anything I could say to make my Mother hate me, to which she herself brought up the question of if I was gay. I quickly denied it from seeing the look of pure hurt and disgust on her face, but I do not know what I am and I feel extremely embarrassed and alone right now as I try to figure it out.

    I just do not know what to do. I do not know who I am, how to find out, and I have no one to talk to such as a counselor or friend about this as I live in an area that is majority conservative Christian, including my whole family. I really hope you can help me, as I am slowly losing hope. I already realize that I will not be able to date a girl for a while, at least while I am living at home, which also tears down my spirits as my family is constantly trying to get me a boyfriend.

    Thank you and I hope I worded everything okay. :slight_smile:
     
  2. questions4ever

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2015
    Messages:
    272
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    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    First of all, I'm so sorry. Many times people are just afraid of leaving what they know. From the information you gave your definitely at least bisexual and probably lesbian. Never fight evil with evil. Don't get angry with or hate your mom. She's trying her best. As a Christian, I struggled with the theological issues your parents probably see this will help SO much:

    https://www.gaychristian.net/justins_view.php

    If your parents are Christians, they should have the humbleness to admit they might be wrong. I hope this helps in some way. If nothing else, I care about you even as a random stranger your story has touched me. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
     
  3. Thank you so much for the source! My Mother already knows I am Agnostic but no one else even knows that. Thank you for the advice and internet-care as well, it means a lot even though I do not know you either. Thanks again. :slight_smile: