1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

My sexuality is killing me deep down... help

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by bugeyes12, Nov 24, 2015.

  1. bugeyes12

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 24, 2015
    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    colorado
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    I am a female in her 20s who identifies as bisexual. No one knows this about me except for my boyfriend. When I told him about my fantasies I made it clear to him that he should never expect to be involved. (Borderline personality here, and a liberal sexual past doesn't mean I want this with the significant other in my life, in fact I want it to be very private). However I expressed a desire I had to him regarding my sexuality and he asked to participate. I was deeply hurt because to me this feels like cheating. And so I shut that door to him forever and feel like I can no longer discuss my sexuality with anyone. Meanwhile I'm looking at females everyday wondering how many of them are really straight. Surrounded by homophobia on a daily basis. Is it my sexuality that's killing me deep down or do I just need to find some kind of outlet? Any advice would be greatly appreciated, this whole thing has me feeling terribly dirty and guilty :'( :tears:
     
  2. Distant Echo

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 29, 2015
    Messages:
    462
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    on the verge of somewhere
    Ok. I think pretty well every guy thinks that their girlfriend being bi means a threesome. when I initially came out as bi (I now identify as lesbian) that was part of the convo between my (now ex) partner and me, and me saying oh hell no.
    I think a chunk of that is that they don't consider sex between females to be real sex. The " it's ok if you want to find a girl to experiment with" convo will probably appear soon too.
    Unfortunately.

    Do you have a close friend you can talk to? Or family? Are there any support groups around you?

    Many of us have been hit with the same convo. You are not alone.
     
    #2 Distant Echo, Nov 24, 2015
    Last edited: Nov 24, 2015
  3. Guelito

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 31, 2015
    Messages:
    37
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Rainier
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    I totally relate to the courage it takes to be vulnerable and intimate, and sometimes when I am vulnerable and intimate with my partner, he is vulnerable and intimate back and I don't like what he sais lol. I think with any relationship, knowing that differences are going to rise up (thats just part of life and being human) is important and making space for those differences and allowing it to deepen intimacy is really rewarding in my experience. It's like you can choose to make a safe room with someone who is really intimate. You make the room together and you say, in this room I give myself permission to be totally real and I give you permission to be real. Then no matter what happens, baring abuse of some kind of course, you stay in the room and know that whatever differences come up between you, can get worked out harmoniously and create greater closeness between you.

    Going forward, all I can say is find the people who can hear your heart and are willing to go to that room with you and go there. That is were all the healing has occurred for me... in relationship.

    Intimacy is the cure for guilt. One thing that I have learned as someone who has suffered immensely from guilt is that it is not a natural emotion humans are born with or need to have. Guilt is something that is learned over time from a mistaken idea about life and humanity. When I have had the courage to open up those places I feel ashamed of and let them see the light of day with another trusted person, I find I heal the guilt that is there and all that is left naturally is love. People can do that for each other. That's the gift we can give in relationship if we want it. Best of luck.
     
    #3 Guelito, Nov 24, 2015
    Last edited: Nov 24, 2015