I am a 16 year old boy and I am extremely confused about my sexuality. I always had a certain attraction to boys,I used to look at boys in swimwear when I was 10 years old,I had a crush on a guy who worked at my school when I was 11(although I did not realize it at that time),I had erections when I watched videos of shirtless and barefoot men but I always denied that all this could be homosexuality. But after some time,I decided to accept that I was gay and come out to my father and after two months I decided to come out to my mother but she tried to convince me that this is a phase and since then I started to question my sexuality in a very intense way. I started to feel something really weird and painful every time I imagine myself kissing another guy since then and after accepting my homosexuality I began to feel something painful and weird when I look to cute guys. I just want to to return to feel at peace with my attraction to boys in the way I felt before accepting my homosexuality and come out.
I feel for you. Im sorry you had that experience with your mom. When you say you feel something really weird and painful, do you have any thoughts that go along with it? For example are you thinking " I shouldnt feel this way"? What does the weird and painful feel like. Is it guilt, or fear? I can relate to it in a couple of different ways so your not alone and I know you can feel that peace again, but I think if you can identify the thoughts your having it will help you. A simple possibility is that your conversation with your mom made you feel that you had disapointed her and now you feel guilt and pain because of it, or just guilt about who you are. I don't think it's helpful for me to make up reasons why you feel a certain way, but maybe that gets the ball rolling for you. Whatever it is, I think its really courageous of you to tell your parents and you sound like a very strong person. I think you have alot to be proud of and you will figure it out.
Thank you for your words,this feeling is a mixture of fear and anger,I look to a guy I consider attractive and think"you do not think he is attractive,you're forcing yourself to think that,stop it now",It's so awful to go through it.
Do you think that's true, that you are forcing yourself to think that they are attractive? Why would you be doing that, Or is that what your mom thinks? It seems from what you described that you were happy and at peace with being gay until you talked to your mom and then you had these thoughts.
It might help you to read through this information on the satages of coming out Empty Closets - Stages of Coming Out It sounds like you are stuck somewhere in the middle of the stages, but please understand that all of this is normal. It happened to me too and I'm sure that same is true for 75% of the people on this forum. The hardest person to convince is ourselves. In just the same way, it can take our parents a while to come round to the idea. If we struggle with it ourselves, it stands to reason that they might also. Like us, they go through various stages, including anger ("why are you doing this to me/us"), denial ("it's a phase"), bargaining ("maybe if you tried dating a girl")... it's all outlined here Empty Closets - Parent and Family Stages of Grief There is no precise timeframe for completing all of the stages, for you, or your parents, but it does help if you have people to talk to and share it with and that's what this forum is all about. A number of books are available for struggling parents, so do consider the idea of letting your mom know about them. I can give you some titles if you would like to send me a message.
Well it doesnt sound to me like you are forcing yourself to be gay. It sounds like you have a good sence of yourself, and what is true for you. It sounds like you got scared and started distrusting yourself and your motivations after you spoke with your mom. I know when a parent disapproves of something, it can make anyone second guess themselves because we have grown up looking up to our parents for guidance and so much of our world view and sence of ourselves, we inherit from them. I can really relate to that. I think it's really important now that you llsten to you heart and try not to overthink yourself. You said something that means alot wich is you felt at peace with being gay. I know I feel at peace when I am being true to myself. I feel conflicted when I am not being true to myself. Thank god it works that way. Thank god it's painful to try to be something I am not. Whatever you decide, whether you're gay or not is not really the point. The point is knowing yourself and coming to your own conclusions about who you are. I would suggest you just relax and enjoy being attracted to whoever you are attracted to. If you notice your thoughts are making you feel painful and weird, then spend some time in nature or do someting you love doing to take your mind off of it. Whatever brings you back to being at peace with yourself. I don't think you will have this problem a long time.
