Okie Doke. I know I outta try and make this as quick and simple as possible, because I'm sure that a lot of people ask the same question, but there really isn't any way I can make this short without skipping the important stuff. I'm sorry. I grew up in a place that doesn't really educate people on homosexuality/anything LGBTQA and have never really invested myself in determining my sexuality until twoish years ago (later sophomore year of high school) when some kid asked me if I was bi (because apparently his gay-dar was "never wrong"). As dumb as that tiny question was, It really fascinated in the possibility that I was at the least into girls because at that time, I had identified myself as asexual. I'll admit. Identifying as asexual so soon was probably a mistake. I didn't completely evaluate "both sides of the swing". I originally had identified as asexual because I thought sex was icky and penises were gross. And also because for as long as I can remember, I have had absolutely no interest in guys. (There were many times in elementary/middle school I would lie to get people off my back on whom I liked. I really had not real interest where everyone else did. In first grade, when everyone was playing to whole 'House' game, I would always feel awkward when someone would partner me up with a girl because I didn't like any of the guys. Which resulted in me telling this one girl in our class who liked spreading rumors that I "liked" my tablemate Charlie so that I wouldn't get awkwardly partnered up. Another example in Fifth/Sixth Grade, when me and my younger sisters would "claim" our favorite guys on the posters my middle sister would get from magazines. I wouldn't normally pick, but if I did I would do it only because I didn't want my sisters to think I was weird for not liking the poster guys. There's plenty of other examples...) Well, since that moment, I think I've been paying more attention to who I am/am not interest in and such. I find myself checking out girls a whole lot more than guys. I feel like I want to "claim" some of the girls in my favorite tv shows. I even think I remember having a mini crush on Alyson Stoner back when Camp Rock was a thing. I also find myself fantasizing about what it would be like to have sex with another girl. I feel so lost right now. And, I want to ask one of my friends who identifies as a Lesbian what she thinks, but I'm too scared to. Everyone else I ask just keeps telling me "same" and I don't know if that's because they also haven't figured it out or if I'm just straight/ace.
Do you know that lesbian well enough to ask semi-personal questions? You could tell her you've seen stuff on the Internet and wondered how she got to the point where she knew she was gay. Make it about your interest in her story until you feel more comfortable talking about yourself. It goes without saying you'll do this in private, right? You don't want her to be embarrassed or otherwise "compromised" if she might be worried about that. It certainly would be nice to have someone in real life to talk to so, at a minimum, it would be nice to be her friend. P.S. If you've thought about sexual situations in a positive light, I don't think you're asexual.
Oh lordy xD I've known this irl Lesbian for long enough time, we just aren't close friends. I'm sure I could ask her what her input is on it, the only issue is that I can only talk to her during the school day (which is more of a public scene). So that's part of the struggle right there. It also doesn't help that she likes keeping to herself. I'd have to get her number from a friend of a friend. Thank you really really much for your advice, Really. (Love ur username btw xD)
Well, the fact she likes to keep to herself might be to your advantage. Unless she runs away when she sees you coming, that is. Hope not. Does she spend time in the library or somewhere else by herself? You don't need to be totally isolated but out of earshot of others. If you have any classes together, you could use sharing notes or asking for help or some other legitimate reason to start talking to her. From your small description of her, it sounds like she might welcome a new friend.
She doesn't really do much hiding xD. We only have one class together. I think part of me is scared to ask her because I don't know how that might pan out. We never were close friends, but the closest we ever were was in 8th grade before she came out. When came out our freshmen year, I didn't really know how to react. I kind of distanced myself away from her (which I now know is terrible because that's the absolute last thing a person who's just coming out needs). For the last two years, it's kind of been me trying to adjust. It's almost normal now, but I don't want to risk the awkwardness again.
Ok, then, just start out seeing about becoming friendly. Rebuilding your friendship and then if and when you feel things between you are trusting enough, you can broach the subject.
Thanks for all of your effort in helping me Really. Maybe someone else might be able to help me out figure this one out. :S
Hey. I think Reallys plan of taking to your lesbian friend is a good one but I understand at school it is difficult. Do you have her number or are you friends on Facebook? Maybe you could start a conversation that way. From reading your post I would say it seems like you are pretty sure you like girls but feel you don't want to rush into labelling yourself again because you are worried you might be wrong. What are your biggest fears?
Hey. I think Reallys plan of taking to your lesbian friend is a good one but I understand at school it is difficult. Do you have her number or are you friends on Facebook? Maybe you could start a conversation that way. From reading your post I would say it seems like you are pretty sure you like girls but feel you don't want to rush into labelling yourself again because you are worried you might be wrong. What are your biggest fears?
Hey. I think Reallys plan of taking to your lesbian friend is a good one but I understand at school it is difficult. Do you have her number or are you friends on Facebook? Maybe you could start a conversation that way. From reading your post I would say it seems like you are pretty sure you like girls but feel you don't want to rush into labelling yourself again because you are worried you might be wrong. What are your biggest fears?
I got her number from another friend yesterday (after making this post), but she's not texting back. I do think part of it might be the whole mislabeling thing. I don't want to be the girl who cried gay. I'm scared I could be wrong, even though I feel like im 85% there. (Which I guess is sort of a normal thing for me because I'm genuinely a very anxious person). I just wanna know what other people think from their own experiences with questioning, coming out, etc. in comparison to mine. ---------- Post added 27th Nov 2015 at 07:57 AM ---------- ***Ignore the first one I mess up and ran out of time to save my edit*** I got her number from another friend yesterday (after making this post), but she's not texting back. I do think part of it might be the whole mislabeling thing. I don't want to be the girl who cried gay. I'm scared I could be wrong, even though I feel like I'm 85% there. (Which I guess is sort of a normal thing for me because I'm genuinely a very anxious person). A lot of my friends are also "questioning", because of iconic women figures like Ruby Rose and Cara Delevingene. But, I think they might be mixing that up with not being straight-blind (one of them has a serious boyfriend and I almost went ballistic when she replied with an extremely casual 'same' to my essay long paragraph ). I'm also scared that if I/when I come out I might be seen as one of those people who only say they're gay/bi because it's #sorelatable and makes them more interesting. I feel like I can't talk to anyone who is 100% there because it's so hard to find irl people who are out and have gone through all these experiences in high school. I just wanna know what other people think from their own experiences with questioning, coming out, etc. in comparison to mine.
I think it's tough to be completely sure. I didn't figure it out till I was 26 despite the fact I'd never been interested in guys really. I was really scared I'd made it all up and I would come out and wonder what I had done but luckily that wasn't the case.
I wish it was so much easier that it is to figure this stuff out. As dumb as probably sounds, I really wish figuring out if I'm gay was as simple as going to the doctor and finding out I had Strep Throat.
I wish it was so much easier that it is to figure this stuff out. As dumb as probably sounds, I really wish figuring out if I'm gay was as simple as going to the doctor and finding out I had Strep Throat.
