So, here's the thing. I've always had a thought in the back of my head, telling me I'm gay, ever since I was a little girl. Sometimes it can be really bad and stresses me out and sometimes it's hardly there at all. I recently have been stressing out about it, alot... I'm seventeen and it's effecting my school and my relationships with my friends. I recently came out as bisexual to my friends, but it just doesn't seem 'enough' for me... But heres the thing- I'm not really attracted to women. I mean, if I see a pretty lady I look at her but only think the typical 'why can't I look like that' I envy other girls bodies and all that but I'm not really attracted to them. I mean, the sight of a naked lady neither makes me excited or bored, it's just merely a nice body. I sometimes do find girls attractive, but not many- I think hey she's got nice cheekbones or something... If a nice bum or pair of tits are infront of me, I get that awkward oh god I want to look because they're right there... but I don't really find it pleasing? I don't find myself repulsed by the thought doing sexual things with a girl, it sometimes excites me and sometimes it's just oh... I guess. I also like boys, I find them attractive. I like flirting with them, and looking in their eyes when doing so. Standing next to them and feeling overpowered if they're tall... I like irish looking boys, blue eyes and boys with curly hair. Sometimes I feel sexually attracted but sometimes I don't. If thinking about doing sexual things it's the same thing as with girls- sometimes I like the thought and sometimes I'm not too fussed. But if talking to a guy or whatever, I always think 'but I'm probably gay?' I forget all about that when I'm standing next to them though, or flirting. I recently had my first kiss with a boy, and had to make him stop because I felt uncomfortable. I didn't really think much of it... I've had moments where I think 'hmm, I'm gay?' but then I watch interviews with my favourite actors and get excited over how their torso looks in a three piece suit, or how nice their voices are... But that thought is always there, and has been for years? There is a chance I'm suffering from a mental illness, could it be connected to this? I really don't know whats going on?
(*hug*)I don't think you have a mental illness but sometimes it does take quite a while to figure out what you are into. I have known about being transgender for most of my life but only recently found out that I am pansexual. So take your time think things over in your head. (*hug*) ---------- Post added 29th Nov 2015 at 10:37 PM ---------- Sorry that I'm not of much help because I only recently found out my preference as well
I understand how confusing it can be! It took me a while to figure out my sexuality as well. I also thought "Hmm, I'm gay" since middle school as well. In reality, I was not straight or gay. That just took some time to figure out though. As for mental illness, I don't think that has anything to do with it. That being said, are you seeking treatment for your mental illness? I used to suffer from depression and anxiety/panic attacks real bad. With medication and therapy I am feeling great now! Hang in there. You will figure everything out! :icon_bigg
