Yeah, I know weird title. But basically, yeah. I'm pretty sure that I'm bi, or pan and just like masculine/androgynous traits (is that possible? ) but no matter what gender of the person I'm attracted to or in a relationship with, because of my own gender it all feels gay. I'm not really sure what to call myself. Is it a great inaccuracy to call myself "gay", if I'm attracted to more than one gender? ...Does this even make sense :/
Yes, this does make sense, at least to me. I'm guessing you experience it something like this: * when your dating a woman, and feel like the feminine parts of you are attracted to the feminine parts of her, and the masculine parts of you are attracted to the masculine parts of her. * when your dating a man, and feel like the feminine parts of you are attracted to the feminine parts of him and the masculine parts of you are attracted to the masculine parts of him. Am I right? I think this totally normal for gender queer folks to feel this way. I feel this way in my current relationship, and even though it is technically an opposite sex relationship, it feels queer as heck to us. I think this totally normal for gender queer folks to feel this way. My only suggestion is that sometimes "queer" is a less confusing (and possibly more accurate) term than "gay", in that if you are in a "technically" opposite sex relationship, people may get confused if you call it gay. But then, again, sometimes confusing people is kinda part of the fun, am I right? Lol Finally, yes it is possible to just be attracted to masculine/androgynous traits. It took me years to figure out and be able to accept that I'm highly attracted to female masculinity, feminine men, and androgyny in general. It really confused me for a long time. So congrats! It sounds like you're wired pretty similarly to me. AND, your ahead of the curve, because you already understand this about yourself at 25! Good luck!
Whoa, yes. You totally get me :lol: And that's pretty much exactly how it feels. You put it into words a lot better, though Oh yeah, totally agree about opposite sex relationships still feel really queer. And lol about confusing people. But that's a very good point... I hadn't considered using the term "queer" to describe my sexuality, I wasn't sure if it was even that acceptable in the LGBT community Thanks a tonne for your response It does sound like we're wired pretty similarly indeed. Wow. Really, really appreciate it
You are most welcome! I am so glad it was helpful to you. Yay! It is true that the term "queer" is still somewhat controversial in certain sectors of the lgbtq community. Opinion seems particularly split along generational lines, with some older folks detesting it because they remember being called that in hatred in their youth. On the other hand, "queer" is also a popular self-identifier among younger, feminist lesbian/bisexual/pansexual women, who I must admit I take at least some of my political queues from. (See, for example, the website Autostraddle). Its certainly a less common self-identifier among other-than-straight men, in part because bisexual men tend to be more closeted, and in part because many men only attracted to men just prefer to call themselves gay. In that respect, I like using the term queer for myself as a male bodied person because I think it makes male bisexuality and male sexual fluidity more visible. Or, so I think. Lol See also the very interesting discussion between myself and BiAnnika on my wall about the meaning of the term queer and the ethics of reclaiming hateful terms. So, yeah, not a problem-free term, but in my opinion a good one that has fairly wide acceptance, so long as you use it with reasonable sensitivity. Just don't ever call someone "a queer." That's not so nice.
I just checked out your wall to see that convo. Interesting points! And I can understand now why the LGBT community is reclaiming the "queer" term. I think that's pretty neat Totally agree that more bisexual men seem to be more closeted, it seems like a giant taboo still, despite how much progress has been made. I've known quite a few guys who have experienced attractions but never acted on them because it was easier to pass as straight and being in a same sex relationship for them would have brought up a whole heap of problems. It's pretty sad really that they were afraid or felt pressure not to act on them. One of the guys liked his best friend all through High School and then his friend passed away a few years after and he had a lot of regret. That was just... unng. Heart wrenching to hear about. That's awesome you take so much pride in it :icon_bigg And, yeah. I would never call someone else "a queer" That's just a nope. I actually just settled on using the label bi, I made up another thread asking other peoples thoughts but it's made me a lot less hesitant to use the word "queer" to describe my orientation irl after reading yours and BiAnnika's views on it, so thank you :icon_bigg
Your most welcome. ---------- Post added 5th Dec 2015 at 05:13 PM ---------- It is sad that so many bisexual men are closeted. The story about the guys friend passing away sounds heart breaking. I must say that I learned that lesson the hard way myself, albeit not so tragically. I fell very hard for a gay man who was a friend and roommate of mine about 7 years ago, and wasn't comfortable enough with myself to commit to that relationship before he ended up moving away and getting together with someone else. The wonder and beauty of that man and our nascent relationship as well as my regret at not being ready to seize that opportunity drove me to start accepting my sexuality and coming out. Its been a process since then to keep learning to understand myself, love myself, and have pride in my queerness in all its fluid complexity. I'm still a work in progress, but its also amazing to see how far I've come, and how much happier and self confident I am now. Its really amazing to me how much of a difference it makes, and how that self-acceptance radiates into other areas of my life.
