Hey, I have been questioning my sexuality for a while now and i really feel like i am pushing myself to hard to label me.But i can't think about anything else... I have felt totally straight until I was 14 and had a crush on one of my girlfriends. Before and also after that i have had guy crushes, that were much more intense than this one. When i was 15, i got my first real kiss from a girl and it really felt good and right, even though i did'nt have feelings for her. But afterwards i was still mostly crushing on guys. Whenever i kissed a guy ( I never actually kissed the ones i was crushing on), i found myself comparing it to kissing a girl (which kinda felt better). But all this time, i never thought of myself as anything other than straight. When i was 17 i had sex with a girl and although we were really drunk and it was'nt really good sexually, i felt like i wanted more of that. I never had a real relationship. I never had sex with a guy, but also my guy-crushes were more intense, than my girl-crushes. I do have sexual fantasies of both genders, but whenever i picture having sex with a guy in detail, it totally weirds me out. I had a date with a guy last night and he kissed me and i kissed him back, but somehow i could'nt close my eyes. I did kind of enjoy the actual kissing, but i also felt, like not really being there. It felt like i was just watching it. And today i just feel like crying all the time and i don't really know why. I just feel so lost and all this thoughts are flying through my head and driving me crazy. Can anyone here help me? (please excuse my shitty english, it's not my mothertongue)
Hi Carla and welcome to EmptyClosets! I'm sure that it will be as helpful for you as it has been for me There are a couple of things that you might be interested in researching a bit more: - bisexuality (really important to note that being bisexual does NOT mean that you have to like both genders the same way, or the same amount!) - heteroflexibility - romantic vs. sexual attraction You might find that you are sexually attracted to men, but not romantically, or vice versa. Good luck!
Agreed with above. Also would add not to stress too much over it all. All labels are umbrella terms for complicated human sexuality. Try to embrace it a little bit! Trust me I totally get wanting a definite label.
Hey welcome to EC, sit down and take a deep breath you will get there. I know it is really tough to say try not to worry and over think things but it really is the best way to get through it. The difficulty can be sometimes that you kiss someone but regardless of the gender you might not feel much if its not the right person. I label myself as a lesbian but that doesn't mean I could kiss any girl and it would feel amazing. Who do you think you notice more, guys or girls? What happens if you think about labelling yourself bisexual?
Thank you all for your answers . I think i calmed down a little bit. I just felt really awful yesterday. I am not sure about the bisexual thing. I mean it is kinda true, because i am obviously attracted to men and women, but it feels really different to me. It's like.. although i am attracted to men and fantasize about them, I don't really want to act on that. Because when i do, i don't want to anymore... Does that make sense?
Hi Carla, You sound to me like you are either: a) a lesbian who is slowly coming to terms with it b) a bisexual with a preference for women Either of these things is of course fine and natural to be. You don't have to "pick a side" unless you WANT to. But in both cases my recommendation would be to try a real relationship with someone. Based on your post I would recommend starting with a woman. If your desire for men persists, then I would say you are bi. Again, this is how you seem TO ME---only you can decide what labels fit you. PS: One thing to consider is that sex with men can be kind of intimidating because most young men are socialized to be poor lovers. So if your aversion to them is based in anxiety, that may not indicate a lack of desire, just an acknowledgement that you have to find one that is going to care about you as a person and nurture your sexuality.
