I don't know if this means anything at all, but it's one of those issues I want to discuss and get off my chest as I continue to question who I am. There are times throughout the day when my sexuality comes to mind and it seems like I have a different answer based off of my emotions. For example, if I'm cheerful in the morning, I end up thinking to myself "You know, if I married a woman and started a family with her, etc, I wouldn't be unhappy spending the rest of my life with her." I'll see girls and find them beautiful, and I'd even flirt with one or two of them. Then, at some point, I'll want to just be with a guy. And often, I'm in a bad mood. Like, life is crappy and for some strange reason, I want to @#$@#$ another dude in order to feel better. I know it doesn't seem to make sense. As a matter of fact, I'm wondering if anyone could make sense out of it. Is there any connection between sexual attractions and mood? Is it a psychological thing, or a condition of bein potentially bi-sexual. I want to be open-minded, but this kind of perplexes me as a trait I've noticed about myself. That's all.
I may get negative feedback for this but I do believe that for some people mood does affect sexuality. Including myself. I had a male friend who did a lot of methamphetamine and was only into guys when he was on the drug and he perceived his life to be bad. When I'm happy and my life is going good, I'm connected to good friends and my family loves me I can only see myself with a woman. However like the current time I am in, my family despises me, I have no good friends, I am a loner and a failure. This is how I feel about myself and generally I fantasize about having a male in my life and dating a guy. Also that fact that no matter what I will not bring kids into this wretched world so that also plays in why I am gay. So for me my situation plays somewhat into my wanting a guy. But overall the pre-disposition to being gay is something that can change with circumstance or time. As for your case, you might be surpressing your true feelings which may possibly be a reason they pop out when you're frustrated. You may be sexually frustrated and not realize it. I suggest that you explore with a guy and find out what you really like.
I can see where the negative feedback concern comes in, but I asked the question for a reason, so you don't have to worry about me saying anything. I also appreciate your input. Thank you for that. It's been suggested to me for obvious reasons to experiment with a man, but a part of me always hesitates...but it's probably closed-minded thinking, so I'm probably going to change my mind at some point.
Interesting thread, fellas. I wish I had some answers for you two on this, but right now I don't. I'll think on it some more and see if anything comes to me. Hang in there.
Hi BlackLibra, Thanks for your post. I've been attempting to make my EC debut for a while and your post struck a chord with me. (Hello everyone) I'm in mid 30s, had depression for the last two years, intermingled with a nasty fallout with a previous company I worked for. The latter was in the financial sector with unbelievable levels of passive aggression in a very toxic and stressful environment. This experience triggered paranoia, self doubt, rock bottom confidence, and then questions around my sexuality. None of which I had before. All whilst I was in a relationship in a girl, where sex was absolutely superb, instigated by me etc. Since this whole episode, when I'm walking around town I will notice guys when I'm feeling down and low, but girls when I am having a good spell. I've never had a single urge to be in any way intimate or physical with a guy, but the doubt and paranoia lingers. "...where you looking AT him? checking him out? Ok so what do you want to do with him? Or do you just want to look LIKE him?..." Whenever I do try and advance my thoughts towards being intimate or physical with a guy I get the 'shudder' / 'no way - forget it' reaction. Nothing there whatsoever and never has been. On a day to day basis, if I have a good job interview, or something surprises me and makes me happy then I feel like the old me again.. ie. unquestioning, 'what was that all about', 'welcome back old-straight-happy-self' etc. As a follow on thought this is similar to being 'high' in the sense of alcohol or drugs (i.e. happy part of the brain being triggered). I've read on some other posts that being 'under the influence' doesn't give an accurate picture of sexuality to oneself. Either way, when I'm drunk as a skunk I couldn't feel more sure about how straight I am. This makes things all the more confusing. Am I the normal me when I'm happy, or when I am low? I would love it to be the former, everyone would, but maybe I'm low because there's a denial / suppression of thoughts. Does this ring any bells? I'm in an absolute hole with all of this right now. My girlfriend and I ended the relationship by mutual decision in the summer as I just couldn't reconcile things in my head, kept breaking down ... nothing made sense. She couldn't seem to help me as I couldn't open up to her fully. One of her parents was diagnosed with terminal cancer and I didn't want to make things worse for her. I miss her so badly right now I can't even explain. Treating the depression & paranoia should be first on the list, after that maybe everything will flow. Need to get the foundations solid before anything can be built. Apologies. I hope I didn't hijack your thread.
No...you didn't. As a matter of fact, your words were really profound. Everything made sense. These feelings you had, everything...they kind of fall in line with what's been going on in my particular situation, so thanks a lot for the input. Mind you, I want to add a shred of honesty to your response...I had a feeling about the suppression. At the very least, the thought "I could just be WANTING to think it's all about my mood" had come across my mind...and I guess that's just the way life goes sometimes. You think maybe you figured out what was going on with your same sex fantasies, and that maybe your mind just wasn't right...it wouldn't invalidate LGBT people being genuinely LGBT, but would simply state "I, in particular, had this issue that muddled the picture and made my sexuality more complex than I thought..." At this point, I'm rambling, but I guess I'm saying...I'm kind of bummed that the issue isn't quite done.
Personally, my mood doesn't affect my sexuality and I am solid bisexual throughout the day and it doesn't change for me. But if mood does affect your sexuality, there is nothing wrong with it. You don't need to label yourself, you should know that. Gay, Bisexual and Lesbian are just labels and I have a label because I have known I was bi for years so I know it is not going to happen. But for you, you do not need to label yourself yet. You could end up straight, gay or bi. You will just have to wait and see. Just be yourself and enjoy it. Best Of Luck, TheBiBoy
Yes this does ring bells and you did not hijack this thread. Your words brought value here thank you. Maybe mood doesn't affect my sexuality maybe I'm still confused about my sexuality. Or maybe I'm in denial. I identify as gay but it's possible I'm bisexual. I also like transsexuals doesn't matter ftm or mtf. Also all this talk of sexuality is knew info to me. I think i need to just slow down a bit.
I'm sorry I can't offer you words of advice but I have a similar experience to you. I always thought I was straight, until I stopped being interested in boys at a youngish age. I became depressed, and interested in girls. I was around 14 when this happened. I thought for years I was depressed because I was in denial about my sexuality, but i'm starting to wonder if the depression caused me to like girls, and being in denial was just something else I struggled with? I didn't just want to have sex with girls, I really liked them, and I actually felt like maybe I had never liked guys, because when people talked about love I felt like I finally understood. Despite these feelings, it didn't feel like "me". I put this down to denial though. When I started accepting and exploring my sexuality it fell into a bit of a lull, I felt asexual. Then, in college, I liked men again. There's been girls here and there, not many, and probably not real feelings. I date men, I think they're hot, but I get this guilt and doubt when I date, and I always swear I will date a girl next time. This weird thing happens some days, I start to feel depressed like I used to, it would only last one day usually, I just feel numb... and I like women again. It's awful. I'm seeing a woman now but I don't know about it, I am feeling the same guilt and doubt I feel with men.
I don't think my sexuality "shifts" when I'm feeling depressed, but my mood definitely affects who I look at. I'm still unsure about my sexuality although I could be bisexual, so when I feel really low I start analyzing my feelings for several girls again and the obsessive thoughts are hard to get out of. I feel guilty when looking at gifs or youtube vids of my favourite actors because I'm not sure my feelings for them are valid (as far as a crush on actors can go). When I feel okay, I feel more confident, and I'm able to say 'fuck it, I can end up with whoever I like'. I feel less anxious in my female crush's presence, and I'm able to think about my fav male actors without feeling guilty about the validity of my feelings. I still don't know what it implies though.
I feel like you just summed up my life. Hmm... ---------- Post added 9th Dec 2015 at 05:09 PM ---------- A similar thing is happening with me, except I've never dated a guy, but I'm pretty sure I'm "mostly straight". I have a female ex who still really likes me, whom I care deeply about. Sometimes I do want to get back with her and sometimes I don't. Sometimes I want to date a guy but then I feel really guilty about it, like I can't keep both her and a boyfriend in my life at once. And my gay feelings originated when I was depressed last year... I don't understand it. Am I only bi/ gay when I'm upset? And I have no idea what to tell my ex. I'm afraid to date anyone until I get this mess sorted out.
Hmmm, there is a lot going on in this thread, and it seems a bit difficult to sort out. It seems to me that if Utah11 is being honest about his internal reaction to thinking about being with a guy, then he may actually be straight. My guess I that what may be going on with him is that he is looking at guys not out of sexual or romantic desire, but out of a desire for emotional comfort. In mainstream US culture, men are discouraged from being emotionally vulnerable with and comforting to one another. This is in part because of the way masculinity is constructed in the US -men are supposed to be stoic and unemotional - and partly because of homophobia. And, for similar reasons, we men also tend to confuse emotional vulnerability and intimacy with sexual intimacy, in part because many of us aren't particularly in touch with the nuances of our emotions and in part because the two are sometimes related. So, when we men are struggling emotionally, we may desire the comfort of the company and emotional support of other men. Its an entirely human and natural urge to seek comfort. But, we may sometimes confuse the desire for comfort with sexual desire. Despite the fact that I am genuinely bisexual, I have personally experienced this confusion between a desire for comfort with sexual desire a couple times. But once the guy I was with simply held me for a while, the desire for sex went away. Heck, I've even experienced this confusion with some women in my life, too. So that's what I think might be happening with Utah11. Honestly, though, I'm really not sure what is going on with the rest of folks here. It sounds to me like at least some of you have genuine same sex sexual attractions, but only you can know that. For example, I think Rhiannon666 may just be dealing with good old fashioned internalized homophobic shame. I've been there -and sometimes still go there. It can be pretty rough, but you can get through it. I hope this helps. Hang in there y'all.
^That's definitely possible, but it doesn't explain why I feel guilty about any kind of attraction, both to males and females. That being said, it can be very difficult to distinguish friendly feelings and feelings of romance/sexual attraction when you're not in touch with your emotions.
Well, despite the widespread use of sexual imagery in advertizing, there is a lot of sex negativity floating around in the culture at large, particularly if you live in a more conservative area. I think its a common experience for people of every sexual orientation to feel embarrassed or ashamed about their sexual desires. The key is to realize that sexual feelings are a natural and normal part of being a human being. Its part of our nature as organisms. Hang in there, it going to be okay! (*hug*)
