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Question about how attraction works

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by IrishBuddha6, Dec 6, 2015.

  1. IrishBuddha6

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    So I have been reading a lot on this forum about how attraction actually works which can be complicated. The thing is that I know I am more sexually attracted to guys and only feel sexually attracted to women on much rarer occasions, and even then, I'm not sure if it would be sexual attraction, maybe only to a degree.

    The thing it that my best friend is a female. A lot of people on this forum have said that your sexual orientation is based on those you have a strong emotional connection to, not as much sexual attraction. I have a really strong emotional attraction to her but not necessarily a sexual attraction. Therefore, should I be attempting to pursue a relationship with her instead as the emotional connection is there. They say to marry your best friend and to be honest, I can't think of myself having a stronger friendship and emotional connection with someone. I'm not saying it would never happen, I just don't have many friends and struggled a lot socially in high school. I mean we share everything with each other and are always there for each other. What do you think?
     
  2. bubbles123

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    I could be wrong, but by reading this is kind of sounds to me like you're trying to convince yourself that you'd want a relationship with her.

    When people say you marry your best friend, that doesn't simply mean a regular friend. It means a person you love so much, and feel sexually attracted to usually, someone that makes you feel great to be around. A friend can do that, yes, but there's a difference between a close connection and romantic attraction. Why is it that you could want to go out with her? I think if you really like someone in a romantic way, you'd know it.
    For me, I kind of thought this before because I was confused about it. I thought the things couples did with each other were things I'd have to learn how to do. But when I actually started feeling things for a person was when it all suddenly made sense and felt completely natural - not something I'd have to think "Hm, could I want this with them?" but something I just wanted deep down in a very natural, instinctive way.

    I think once you meet someone you really like it'll make more sense and you'll understand it more.

    Plus, think about her feelings. If she liked you, and came to really like you in a relationship, would you feel the same? Probably not based on what you said. You may really, really, care about her but loving someone is something different and you want to be fair to her too. If you are really considering it, you need to be completely honest with her about how you feel and I think to do that you may need more time to understand your own feelings.

    Hope this helps!
    And don't rush anything! I mean, you've got plenty of time:slight_smile: When it feels right, it'll feel great.
    Best of luck!
     
  3. AnotherStranger

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    mmh I have had super strong friendships with girls and however how much connected I felt and how much I enjoyed being around them, I did not feel romantic feelings at all. Then Ive had "friendships" with some other girls who, for whatever reason, didnt attract me sexually but I did have romantic feelings towards them, the butterflies etc. There really is a difference between friendship and romantic attraction which doesnt really involve sexual attraction, in my opinion.
     
  4. darkcomesoon

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    Sexual orientation - who you're sexually attracted to
    Romantic orientation - who you have romantic feels for ('get crushes on')
    A strong emotional connection is just friendship unless it involves sexual or romantic feelings as well. Friendship does not define orientation.

    If you are romantically interested in her, go for it. If not, don't. When people say marry your best friend, they don't mean you should wed the person you happen to be best friends with. They mean that the person you decide to marry should essentially be your best friend. That you have a close, trusting relationship, and you really enjoy being around them and have fun.