Bisexual policing from other queer people

The bottom line is that even if you are/were confused, it's not their job to tell you what your sexuality is. However, you did confide in them, and more people than not have a rather black-and-white view on sexuality (not surprising, since most are monosexual). I got the same thing coming out.

What I found out is how you relate to your own orientation is going to give people more or less leeway to impose their own "rules" on you. If you're unsure, scared, or frustrated, they're going to sense that, and define you for yourself. If it's confident, knowledgeable, and relaxed, you might end up showing them a thing or two!

I guess I could see where lesbians would get it from, since female sexuality is invalidated, and plenty of girls identify as bisexual for attention. In some ways, it's more radical than gay male relationships. There's a long history of feminism and lesbianism together, which isn't surprising, since you're women first.

 

In my short experience, the shittiest part of identifying as bi is the biphobia from both the LGBT community and the straight community. Half thinks you're 'going through a phase,' and the other half thinks you're in denial. Before people get upset, no, it is not everyone in either community.

Honestly, it's not up to them to tell you how you feel. You know who you're attracted to. You know what you identify as. TheNotAdam put it great when he said "It's my job to say 'I'm bisexual' and YOUR job to say 'uh, okay.'" You are who you are. Rock it girl. You got this.

 

I haven't encountered this, fortunately, but it certainly happens.
There seems to be a bi-phobia to some extent in the lesbian community.
If asked, I would just say, I'm me. If that isn't good enough for them, maybe they are not someone you want to date.

 

Yup, I encounter this type of stuff in the gay male bars and such.
Many gay men think that bi-guys are just closet cases in denial.
At this point, I mostly just shrug that crap off and make a mental note not sleep with the guys that say that kinda stuff. Life's too short.
Other times, though, its kinda fun to flirt with guys who have that attitude, and then turn them down cold when stupid stuff comes out of their mouth. Its a little cruel, but I never claimed to be a saint.

 

I know exactly where you're coming from. I have never told my straight friends and family about my orientation because I know they would think I was just confused. When I started talking to gay guys I was so excited to finally be accepted for myself. Sadly, the majority of guys have tried to convince me that I'm just scared to transition over to being gay and that I'm not really bi. I've also been told I need to "pick a side" and not just float in the middle of the sexuality spectrum. It's pretty hurtful and you would think it wouldn't happen from people who themselves are so used to being misunderstood. Anyway, something that has really helped me is to remain firm with others and call them out on their crap when they are being biphobic. As long as you do it with the end goal of helping them see how it really is and not just out of anger or frustration, most people open their eyes and realize you are right. It's also good to tell them "Look someone can try to convince you that you are not gay (or whatever their orientation is) but no matter how hard they try, you are the only one who really knows how you feel and you can't deny it. It's the same for me, I am attracted to men and women, and no matter what you say or do to try and convince me I know what I feel inside." Anyway, I apologize if I'm rambling but I hope this helps. Good luck!

 

There's a lot of biphobia within the lgbt community, which sucks because you would hope that at least among other lgbt people you wouldn't have to deal with it. The fact is, a lot of people have the misconception that bi people are confused or more likely to cheat on you. Lesbians in particular tend to have the gross idea that bi women that have been with men are somehow tainted by this and perpetuate this idea of never wanting to be with a woman who would also sleep with someone with a penis. Biphobia comes from all directions, and you just have to remember that they're wrong, and fight back.

 

Hey, let's make that some lesbians please. I am not bi-phobic and I think the whole idea is ridiculous.

 

Thank you for your continuing support of bisexuality, inamirrordarkly. :icon_bigg

 

There are some people in this community who are always trying to outdo others. "I'm more gay than you", "You aren't gay enough", "You aren't oppressed, you can just fake being straight", that kind of stuff.
They seem to just want to make themselves out to be better than everyone else, more oppressed, and they feel like insulting and degrading others, even those who are the same gender/sexuality as they are, gives them a sort of authority or power over them.

I think there's a small group of people in the community who just want to be special snowflakes about everything.

 

i've gotten this from gays, dismissing of being bi or referring to you as gay... and ignoring when you correct them. frustrating when you know who you are and others think they know better because they've been out longer or are more gay than you are, etc.

 

Yeah, it sucks hard. It isn't everyone who does it though, and fuck the people who do. Choose your friends and partners well.

 

I read your whole post. The bold part is really good.

 

Well to me it sounds like you're still just figuring out who you are and until you do nobody can accept you as anything until you're fully sure of it. So this biphobia that you perceive in the community is indeed mostly internal because the community itself consists of a lot of bisexual people so I doubt they are against themselves or anyone is against them.

Who needs convincing you're bi the gays, straights, or you?