Advice Needed:

I was/ am in a similar position--I have been questioning my sexuality for the past year, and I have never had a crush on a guy (save one time in fourth grade, but honestly, who's counting?). I just don't see guys the way I see girls. Yes, in a room, I'd be able to point out the hot guys--the objectively hot guys--but I wouldn't really care. With girls, I stare. I automatically find them more interesting, attractive, etc. etc.

I have never dated anyone either, and I think that makes it feel like it's harder to know for sure what I am, you know? But then again, who really knows for sure? We're all on the same boat, we're all trying to figure out life--sometimes people go through dozens of relationships and still feel just as confused as people who've never dated.

You say your friend is really close and that she'll probably be very accepting. That's how I would've described the friend I came out to a couple weeks ago, and she was totally cool with it. I had been terrified to tell her, worried about the same things you're worrying about: "what if things get awkward between us?" and "I don't want her to look at me any differently."

Honestly, yes, there is a chance things could get awkward. There is a chance she will look at you differently. There is also, from the way you describe her, a greater chance that she won't mind at all.

I mean, it's your call--I don't know you, I don't know her. But telling even just that one person really helped me sort out my thoughts.

Oh, and regarding your other concern, "what if I'm wrong?" So what if you are wrong? We all get things wrong sometimes. If you tell said friend, "I think I'm gay," and then a couple months later, "I think I was wrong earlier, I'm bi," I'm guessing that if she is accepting the first time, she will be okay with whatever else you'd like to add or edit or whatever label you'd like to change. I mean, I doubt she would really say, "In August you said you were gay, so you are gay, no buts."

I think you'll be alright.
I think we'll all be alright.

I hope this was of some help to you.

 

I've also been questioning for a while so I can empathize with this. At this point I wouldn't obsess over finding a label just yet until you're more sure of yourself and you've explored your thoughts and feelings enough. You can tell your best friend about it without resorting to any particular labels.

It's great that you trust your friend enough to come out to her, and I can also relate to wondering if I was 'wrong' at the time. Put simply: there is no wrong. Some people believe sexuality can be fluid, especially if you are just discovering it, so you can define yourself (or not define yourself) however you like. You may like a particular label and find that it 'clicks', you may not, you may use a label like 'queer' that's more broad and open, you may not. In the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter as much as we may think.

As for whether she'll see you differently, she might. She may also have questions or preconceptions about gay people that aren't entirely correct - I don't know. I don't know your friend. If you think she'll be willing to look past your sexuality and still like you as a person, I say go for it.

Best of luck! :icon_bigg

 

I'm in the same boat aswell! I suggest telling your friend, even if you are wrong about these thoughts/still confused what does that matter? If she is your friend she should help you and support you I have only told one person about my sexuality and that was a gay guy when I was drunk but still it felt so relieving and nice to finally talk to someone and have them help me! Good luck

 

Yay congratulations

 

Wow, сongratulations! I hope you're doing and feeling well

Right now I'm feeling just like you did while creating this thread, haha