I just started to date a FTM trans boy and I'm just so mixed up. We just had our first date the other day and it was fantastic and I have a really good feeling about him but I'm just really confused. I'm a gay male and in my heart I know that its all about the person and the sexual part wouldn't ever matter except for if we were to be intimate. I know that hes great and hes told me how so many gay men have rejected him for being trans. I'm gonna see this thing through and I'm not that scared of becoming intimate I just don't know how to feel. I'm sorry, I don't really know what I'm asking cause I have all these different feelings inside, I'm very confused. I'm very very sexually attracted to cis men's bodies and I just feel like I'm really missing out. I guess the sexual part really isn't the point of a relationship but I just don't know how I feel about the whole thing. Can anyone give me any thoughts?
Trans people are their desired gender. So he is a he. You are in a gay relationship. Whether or not their body is sexually desirable to you is a matter of preference. That's all there is to it.
I think a lot of people can relate to your feelings. Love, sex, and gender are all important components that form a relationship, and when it doesn't line up in a way you are used to, it's only natural to be a little confused. You seem like you care about this person, so maybe you can take it slow until you both feel more comfortable with each other? Maybe it will not be a problem at all and you won't be left feeling like you're missing out. Communication is always the key.
Keep in mind, too, that the further he progresses down transitioning (namely HRT) - the more those attractive secondary sex characteristics will develop. I don't know if he is planning on getting any gender-affirming surgeries, but this too will help with the intimate and physical aspects. But if he doesn't want bottom/top surgery then by no means should he be pressured into it. It is a very personal and tough decision to make. I think that while, yes, intimacy with a transman may work a bit different, it can definitely still work and be amazing. I just wanted to add, too, that I think it's awesome you've decided to give him a chance despite your doubts. Remember that communication is key, and I you need to express concerns or ask questions that have been bothering you, don't be afraid to do so. I'm sure he would rather that than have you silently struggle. So yes, dating a transman can be every bit as good as dating a cis-man - if not better. Best of luck to you and your boyfriend.
