Okay, basically I have come out as bisexual. I have felt sexually attracted to guys and girls for the past few years now. However, the attractions I feel for the two are really quite different from one another. Girls- I have been attracted to women my whole life. From the time I was an early teenager, I would check out women. I have been highly attracted to women's bodies. Whenever I see a hot girl on TV or anything I notice it right away. I'd want to do everything with them. I remember the first time I had sex, the girl I was with was just like.... wait this is seriously your first time? I felt extremely horny as a teenager, and I wanted to have sex with a girl for the first time badly. My sex drive in general kind of slowed down a lot in the past few years though. I have had crushes on women, and I have felt very attracted to them in an emotional sense. I have felt like I would have wanted to be very committed to a woman that I was with. I feel like I would be interested in getting married and all the stereotypical things that people often plan to do with women. I also have really felt like it would be the classic boyfriend-girlfriend type relationship. I also sure as hell wouldn't want a girl that I was with ever cheating on me, and I wouldn't cheat on her. Guys- In the past few years, I have been sexually turned on by the idea of doing sexual things with other men. Sometimes, I look at other guys like that but not always. There are some things that I wouldn't do like butt sex and especially not this whole "rimjob" concept. The former grosses me out enough to not enjoy the idea and the latter is something I don't think I'd do if somebody offered me a million dollars to do it. I have had friends that I liked in a sexual way. If they were also bisexual or gay, I would have done things with some of them. Hell, I might have even wanted to do it on a daily basis if I had the opportunity. However, I don't think I would be interested in the whole emotional, "Let's go out on a date together", "We're deeply in love now" sort of thing. Would I have feelings for them to some extent? I did and I'm sure I probably would even more if anything happened. I mean I guess it would be a "relationship" of sorts that was really more of a "Oh your bisexual too, can I blow you?" type of thing. I feel that for me there would be positive and negative things with this. I think it might be better in some ways for me if it was more of a friend that you do stuff with type situation. The whole emotional dynamics of relationships can be great, but they can also be tiring. I also would add that unlike with women, I don't ever feel like I would be able to do anything with a guy that I didn't know. I can't imagine "hooking up" with someone who is a guy. I would absolutely have to be friends with them first, or otherwise it would be awful for me.
What you're describing seems fairly normal. Sexuality is a complicated spectrum, and romantic and sexual attraction are often two separate things for a lot of people. For example, I have a friend who identifies as a biromantic homosexual, since he gets crushes on both men and women but only has sexual desires for men. There are also people who feel romantically and sexually attracted to both genders, but lean more strongly towards one than the other. There is room for flexibility. If you want to experiment with gay sex then that might be a good way to explore your fantasies and what you enjoy. If you feel more emotionally connected to women, that's fine too. It's pretty normal to feel attracted in different ways to different genders, so don't worry too much, get out there and do what you want!
