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Sexual vs Romantic preferences

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by LaurenSkye, Dec 9, 2015.

  1. LaurenSkye

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    I am a bisexual guy and I find myself to be more sexually attracted to women and would rather have sex with a woman than a man. But as far as romance and relationships, I prefer men. When I imagine having a fun night out or even cuddling on the couch, I rather be with a guy. Is this a common thing and does anyone else have different preferences even if it's a difference in age or personality rather than gender.
     
  2. SHACH

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    Yeah, I feel inherently more sexually attracted to men, but far far more romantically attracted to women. As in I'll be attracted to more guys but my crushes on girls are far emotionally deeper. Thus I fantasise about women more anyway so the extra attraction for men seems irrelevant. It evens it out.
     
  3. Jase26

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    For me I'm attracted to girls physically, emotionally and sexually but at the same time have a kinda curious sexual attraction to men. It's not a physical attraction, it's mainly just the idea of being seduced by a guy to the point of allowing myself to become physical with him. The fantasy is the whole idea of a role reversal where I let myself be dominated by the male.
     
  4. Chip

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    What you describe is pretty common with people who are in the early stages of their coming out process. So for clarification and to help me understand where you are coming from better, a couple of questions for you:

    -- When you say you'd rather have sex with a woman than a man... is it that women are more sexually arousing, or that sex with guys sounds gross, painful, unpleasant? Or something else? Have you had sexual experiences with women or men? (Not that you need to in order to know, just helpful to understand where you are...)

    -- When you watch porn, assuming it's straight porn, where are your eyes focused? On the guy? On the girl? Equally both? Do you watch gay porn?

    -- When you masturbate without porn, what are you most commonly thinking about? Men? Women? Both?

    These will help get a clearer picture of what's going on for you.
     
  5. JT1999

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    I think I am the opposite to you, I can see myself happily cuddled up on the sofa with a boy, kissing, holding hands. I fancy boys, I like their shoulders & chest and big hands, muscly arms but I don't really have any desire to take it any further than that anymore. I don't think much about girls except now when it comes to sex, it is simply feels so much more natural with another girl (although I have only been with one girl). I don't know how to feel anymore, I signed up to this site as straight but don't think that fits anymore. But I'm definitely not a lesbian and I don't really fit with bi.
     
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  6. dreamer2891

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    My attractions are separate too - but instead of it being the two genders - I'm both romantically AND sexually attracted to males

    BUT

    I'm attracted to two very different male 'types' - and never the two will cross - it's that distinct. I think its almost like being Bisexual WITHIN one gender orientation.
     
    #6 dreamer2891, Dec 13, 2015
    Last edited: Dec 13, 2015
  7. AnotherStranger

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    fuck sexuality, really, these two orientations drive me crazy.

    I dont want to have sex with men, I would find it disgusting and I do think itd be painful. However I like their bodies, id even say they turn me on. I think that'd make me heterosexual BUT

    everytime Ive been in love with someone, it's been a girl. Sometimes very in love although they never knew.(This has happened since I was a child so before I even knew how girls and boys have sex so I dont think its related with the issue above)But I dont think it was sexual. I mean I could have sex with them but i dont think i "desire" women. Maybe I did long ago.

    So it basically sucks because even if I got over my "fear" towards sex with men, my orientations would still not be aligned.

    Sucks sucks sucks
     
  8. lastking

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    I can relate to this. I'm sexually and romantically attracted to men. I'm romantically attracted to women, I'm not quite sure if I'm sexually attracted to women. My sexual preference is definitely men. My romantic preference is women, also I tend to be more romantically towards them.
     
  9. Open Arms

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    Yes, I understand that. I am physically/sexually attracted to men, but have only ever been sexually attracted AND romantically attracted to one man which has lasted throughout my lifetime. I am not at all sexually attracted to women except for the ones I am romantically attracted to (only a handful).

    Some would say that's very mixed up, but it's never really bothered me. I've actually been very sure about who I love and want to be intimate with. I've never even agonized over my sexuality, but if I have to choose one, I say bisexual.
     
  10. MossyCave

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    Although sexual attraction and romantic attraction is a good way of realizing how you feel, I think sexuality is more complicated than just those two things. For example, I want to have sex with men, I find them physically attractive, but I don't think I've ever been sexually attracted to a man. The reason for this is because I have fallen for women and have felt a sexual pull towards them, like my sexual attraction is linked to my emotional attraction, and it makes my attraction to men seem more of a primitive urge. Another factor is who you can see yourself with long-term, some might experience romantic attraction but it isn't the type of attraction that forms a deep emotional connection.

    That's really just waffle but it's my interpretation of it, sex and romance have never been enough to categorise me and I'm sure its the same for others.
     
  11. SHACH

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    I totally relate to this. I like the idea of sex with guys, I find their bodie s attractive etc, and I get off quicker fantasising about guys. However, it doesn't go deep the same way it does with girls. A "primitive urge*" is a good way to describe it. I don't generally care about attractive male celebrities, when girls show me pics of guys they are obsessed with I really can't reach the level of enthusiasm they're expecting, and my little crushes on guys don't really come with any desire although I think they are attractive and sex with them seems nice. I just don't have those "omg I can barely stop myself from kissing you right now" moments that I have with girls, or any real investment in their personality .
     
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