Hello here's my story I'm 21 and have never been in a relationship (or even been on a date)! I have kissed a couple of guys at parties but that's as far as it's gone. I'm extremely shy and had always assumed I was straight and just hadn't found the right guy until I was asked by a family member if perhaps I preferred girls and this got me completely confused. I have always had a much deeper connection to girls and although I haven't had a full-on crush I'm sometimes aroused by women but notice them a lot less and don't fantasise about them. In terms of guys I have never had a full-blown crush but have always found them hot and find myself fantasising about relationships and encounters with guys (weirdly guys who are slightly older turn me on more). I get really nervous and awkward around them - but not in a bad way though and if I feel confident enough I enjoy flirting which I don't have the urge to do with girls.. I don't get tongue tied with girls either but maybe that's just as I feel more relaxed. I still picture myself settling down with a guy too. As I've never been seriously attracted to a specific person I know this might sound like I'm asexual with an interest in a romantic relationship, but sex doesn't repulse me, I just haven't had as great an interest as my friends may also be due to being socially awkward! I want be open to having a relationship but have no idea what I want. When I've kissed guys it has been nice but not amazing but this may be as it was complete strangers. Equally being a lesbian doesn't fit right with me, even if I feel closer to women. What I know for sure is I definitely ament completely straight and this has really unsettled me as I don't know anyone who is lgbt to talk this over with. Labels aren't important i know, but thanks for any thoughts
Your description doesn't sound like you are lesbian or asexual as you suggested. You are probably bisexual. Your experience doesn't seem all too different to mine: you thought you were straight and were quite happy fantasising about guys only until something made you look at your connection with girls in a different way. What got me was getting a lesbian friend and this suddenly normalising the idea, and then me realising that my celebrity crushes throughout my whole life had only been female. And then, after embracing my girl crushes, I realised I liked reading lesbian erotica way too much. And then I looked back not on things that I thought were actual crushes, but friendships with girls, that in retrospect I was way too invested in, just because there was something about those girls that made me want to be around them and spoil them, not because they were good friends. They were generally bad friends. The last one is a good thing to think about if you haven't had any big crushes. Friendships you were over invested in. Now I'm open to attraction to girls, I recognise when I'm crushing on them, and it always makes me half feel like I'm gay because my crushes on guys are just so much more superficial... But I feel more sexual attraction to men. So, I take the good wobbly all-encompassing term bisexual. It's a good one if you're feeling wobbly about how you feel haha. And I think its normal to be more comfortable socially with your own gender.
Thanks so much for replying! I relate a lot to what you're saying and guess the main thing is to at least accept what I feel isn't weird - it's just difficult when what you like is different to those around you. I guess bisexual will do nicely for now and I can see where life takes me!
